I feel like I’m losing everyone. I’ve always lost friends and I learned how to…

I feel like I’m losing everyone. I’ve always lost friends and I learned how to work through that, but as I’m becoming an adult and growing as a person, I can’t just abandon hope of having friends. I’ve always just dropped people without a second thought but now I have maybe two people and I don’t even think they enjoy my company or my existance. sometimes I feel like if I wasn’t here in the first place then I wouldn’t have messed up so many peoples lives.