Control was taken from me
I felt it coming
Not to the magnitude it crept in
Grabbing the very little control I was holding onto.
I spoke to my soul...
We will be ok I said.
We have been here before,
before you know it... It will be over.
It just kept on spiralling
Every little bit of control I had once again torn away from me,
I was left hopeless
Felt like a punishment
Not even sure what the crime was that warranted such punitive.
My heart wanted to be still
It ached for normal.
A voice in my head said we could see this through
The negative noise though was just too boisterous.
Nights were the absolute worst
It was me and mind
Wrestling...
A never ending battle
The good thoughts clearly trying to overcome the very dark ones that just kept on spiralling.
I was a mess
Noone could hear me
I didnt want them to.
I just wanted my normal life back
Why couldn't I just finish the last year in my 30s on a good note.
Am I that bad a person the voice in my head said.
I just want to erase this day out of my memories.
My heart broke once again on the 15th of July.
The one thing that had been constant for a good 8yrs suddenly ripped out of my arms.
A divorce in which I had no voice to begin.
I was numb.
Tired and defeated.
©mayalinah
M