You got me thinking
About all you've done to me
All you've put me through
And my heart cracks
The same way my fist split in two by the wall which was forced to hold it's beating
You got me thinking
About the times the words slipped gently through your thin lips
Agonising me, convincing me
Of things I should've never been convinced of
These words slipping out of your mouth
As easy and gentle as they could possibly sound
Though their meaning had no easiness or gentleness
Their meaning was what ripped me apart
And that's what I fell for
The ripping
The breaking
And when your words became physical
It teared me apart completely
I still remember your hand coming closer
Fastly
Till I felt your skin burning on mine
The pain
Which you sugar-coated in such a loveliness
The physical and mental pain
Which my mind didn't bother to notice
Which I understood only now
The control you had over me
Over my words
My actions
And my thoughts
Is what I only understand now
And this realisation keeps me from ever letting down my guard again
I keep builing my walls higher
Now that I understand
That loving someone means giving them control
And realising that anyone could control me the way you did
has me knowing
I wouldn't survive it another time.
L