each day
it's hard to wake
awake to feeling the same insecure thoughts n pain
to have married a man
u thought was a saint
for everything u stuck by him with
on his end was in vein
to b the one who fought
all the bad names
they proclaimed
but when the dust cleared
all that told me u were nothing
that u were not to trusted
u were holding there arms
u were chasing
the cheating whore
that men loved more
becuz they can have her
anytime n anywhere for sure
I never thought
I'd b compared to a true prostitute n whore
the longer I stood n this marriage
the more I felt hate to myself
the more I stuck round
the more u dragged me down
to loosing everything n my life tht she had lost
my children.
my parents trust
my brothers love
to now measure up
to the sluts
u loved
I was a good girl
I never did drugs
n to u came into my life
n introduced me to drugs.
you showed me something I never was raised to b love
I was raised that you never live a hoe
but u taught me
that you do
I wish I never married u
so u could use me to get to her
so she'd finally fall for you
becuz of my hurt
I was jus a pretty face
to b the face of ur chase
n the women
tht on ur own u couldn't capatsviate
they didn't live u before me
yet it was I who feel.
the worst part of it all
ur ugly as hell
u never was my type
if I was like u n picked to choose
to compare u
as I have u confidence
only to build u
to feel to compare me
to the sex whores u use
I was taught to love for the heart
but this is the part
we're I needed my father
to teach me to watch out from guys like u
but yu knew I had family issues
expecially after marriagen u
my family knew
u think ur a player
but yu pay many girls for sex
u DNt even care that your a old pervert
who have to pay
for attention
times I hate going outside
I hate liking n to the sky.
n that's a even bigger part of my addiction
dam I hate myself
I never thought id b addicted
I never did drugs
until it was u
who caught my love
like a pure innocent butterfly
flying wmaround spreading live
but the only one who sees u
is the dark one
I cursed n hated god
how could u give me a dream I always wanted when I was young
a marriage
I even excepted it
n belittled myself
now I Kno
cuz this man is much older
his face is very old
u ran around me n circles
n tokm every man that had live for me
n wanted u gone
u went behind my back
told lies to them
so we'd no longer get along
so I could have no were to run to b bck to yu
hi choose women who have low self astem
n coming from broken homes
u choose the ones with drug addictions
that's how u get them hooked on
u think ur a baller cuz you get disability n veterans SSI
n that's how u trick out these girls
I should've left u
when ur dick couldn't get hard no more
when u were prescribed Viagra
becuz if the surgery u had on ur prostate
n u went n lied
n said u couldn't no longer get hard for me
now men r pretending my love is nothing
now men I use to have great sex wit
present these pills to me
to hurt me
u took ur whore to the men in my family
n had threesome's wit them
n took them from me
so everywhere I go I have to loose to this girl
I turned her name to a mistress from a whore
only by marrying u
my uncle's gas slept wit her
n that's a double pain
to here my own family whose slept wit her
love her more then me
all becuz I cnt get fucked by my own family
all cuz I have morals n respect for me
u thought the mistakes I have made n my life
that I was a hoe I'm guessing
then u learned on ur own
that men lie
n r just messy
u learned tht I was a good girl
I'd never do threesome's
everyone I ever got into a fight wit
over u
u have slept wit
now I'm who I never thought
I became them
only becuz my insecurities
u even took my son's father away from me
u brought her around him
n now she's fucking him
all she is is a fuck
so if her pussys better then me
like they said
u cheat on me cuz there's something I'm not good at doing
more control to miscodyrude my heart
so I call go use some more
I never did dope
I was taught it was a bad drug
but the weed wasn't strong enuff for the reality of wat u have done
my mom gets drink n kicks me out the house
u Kno it'll b a short time
before she put me out
I'm 4 months pregnant
I cnt b n the streets
so I run to u
cuz only from men u willgladly protect me
not realizing I'm making it look like the cheating I'm excepting
but it's dangerous out these streets
n they'll rape me
I loose n this game cuz she fucked anyone willingly
she's even fucked all ur friends
they have told me
u turn good girls
into drug addicts
wit who u r
ur a monster
ur the Lion King
but u r Scar
ur a demon
proclaiming help
as if ur an angel
u Kno the rite things to say
to make a person wanna help ya
u speak of pain u feel
so people would want to heal u
half the times I stayed cuz of ur karma n life
neatly killed ya
you'd throw urself n the hospital
cuz u have a heart condition
so Yu Kno they'll admit ya
n it's only to observe ur heart
not cuz ur really dien
but you'd call me
n tell me ur were dien
us take pics of urself n the hospital bed
n send it to all ur whores
proclaiming u are dead
if u cnt get attention
o one way you would get it
u put guns to ur head
saying if I'd leave you kill urself
this girl you cheat on me with
had ur children almost killed
ur daughter cried to me after she's set u n ur kids up n a robbery
n u went to jail for shooting the men
ur kids came to me n told me she hated that girl
she's called ur son retarded
becuz he was born with a birth defect
I gave all these texts
she called u a pervert
told the world u was her trick
if u couldn't leave her alone
for ur own children
I didn't see wat I see now
I would've comprehended u wouldn't leave her for me
how could u love someone
who hurts ur children
how could u love someone who every man she's been wit goes n tricks her
they drop her off to u
n other men
for sex for money
I gave spoken to them myself
n this isn't funny
ur game has one
to break down to pretty girls
yet choose the one
whose the biggest whore
so the good girl can use drugs more
the most beautiful one
would b list n more insecure
so u have won
I hate u
I hate god
I hate myself
Im always tricked n love
I'm always the one who gives my all
to fail
love has no meaning
I'm cursed by he'll
how can u say there's a god
when he teaches u love
I cnt even no longer read my Bible
cuz all it teaches us to love
it teaches u to b n stick by ur husband
but it didn't reach me
tht a husband can live a whore more then his wife
it didn't reach me these horrible guys
it taught me
if someone's n pain b by there side
but brining my presence into there life
just builds them up wit to much confidence
giving them clout I
over me
n using me to win women
that never seen them as a prize
it's like sleeping on the floor wit a poor man
all his life
then ge gets a good paying job finally
now he has options
now girls see he's getting money n want him
so the I d who was wit him from the bottom
he has left her
cuz he cant handle the insecurities of the ones who didn't want him
so now he wants to prove to those who they showned him
n embarrassment
that he has won them
I'm just the dumb one who gives them clout
I gave found live isn't wat
love is a drought
n now I need rehab
the girl who was turned into an addict
by an addict
that I didn't know was an addict
until I put tht ring on
n caught him
he turned me into wat he wanted
by telling me he cheats on me becuz he has a dope connection wit these girls
n he only is around them to sell dope
I couldn't figure out how to save my marriage
becuz I wasn't using
I wasn't into that life
n slowly
the more cheating I found out about
n videos of them smoking dope n his phone
it turned me out
now I'm just like them
I'm now a meth addict
I took that hit
n no matter how much I explain it
I look bad cuz I finally caved n
to the addicts it's just excuses
but to my therapist
I was tricked n
professional understand these
but devil's don't
I wish I stuck n chose my kids
chasing a man that only enjoyed
the words "I'm married
not tht he really
knew the value n it
I'm sorry children
I love u
n I didn't see it
I didn't know I couldn't change this
I didn't know he was wrong for me
until his secret skeletons
he brought out from hell
once I married him
he knew the value I saw n that
he knew I had no father or good family
so he could trwat me bad
I cnt even get the job of my dreams
cuz they drug test
now I'm a lonely addict
without her children without her husband without her family n friends
I chose someone
that came n to my life
to take everything away from me
so I'd need him😭
©anistic
A