AGAIN

I killed my self again
It wasn't painful as such
For everyday I die
Pain is a part of me
A walking dead you can say
I killed myself in the field today
I slashed my hand and let the blood flow
The sixth me fell in the dirty thirsty ground
She lay there helpless
Hoping that this was the last time
I watched the lifeless me
As I bled
I died that evening
As the birds sang their melodious rhythm
And once again I danced the dance of the dead
She looked sad even in death
Tears were visible from her eyes
All those years she had suffered
All those lives she had lost
Was all coming to an end
But I was still breathing
What died was a part of me
A part that trusted so easily
That loved so deeply
That part carried my essence
It carried my soul
It carried all that was human in me
So the tears were gone
The pain was no longer with me
But I was still empty inside
I had this void that was hard to fill
I couldn't feel anything but emptiness
A silent wave of regret blew my hair
As tears began to fall from the sky
Where was I heading to.
What was the use of being Alive
All this suffering
All the skeletons
All the urge to force myself to believe in 'happy ever after'
I was lost
Lost in the jungle of pain
Under the rain of regrets
Trees resembling my skeletons
The ones I thought were well hidden in my closet
I didn't have more strength to fight
My feeble body failed me
If only I could do it one more time
May be
Maybe it would be the last time
And I want to die again
This time for good
But I didn't have it in me to do it
I didn't want to leave more pain
I never wanted this pain on anyone else
Damn I can't do anything right
I have failed at killing myself seven times
I didn't need to see the sun anymore
I had to do something
I had to up my game
©magi
Words from my soul
©mara_pain
Life is a series of pain
©mara_pain