I want to be aware
Of that I am alive
Because I cannot feel it -
I hardly ever feel anything
So how do you think, can I bear this numbness?
A feeling so empty and still so heavy
That it weighs down my chest
Pressing onto my rips
Turning breathing into a challenge
So tell me
Do you judge me
For trying to make myself aware of that this feeling is not all the reality I've got to live for
You say that my behaviour is nothing
but self- destructive
You ask me if putting my life in danger is a thing I do on purpose
But oh, darling
If only you knew
All I'm trying to do
Is the exact opposite of that
Because all I'm trying to do
Is reaching out for life
Not for death
~ Because death is "nothing"
And I've dealt with "nothing" my whole life long.
L