She was just 18.
And I was 21.
Thought I was some type
of gangster.
But I was just a dumbass with a gun.
Slinging that powder.
Tryna make the cash.
Street cred on the block.
Living on high.
On a dead end path.
She wasn't made for the like.
But she picked it up quick.
Girl could sell an ice cube to an eskimo.
Yeah she picked up all the tricks.
She wanted for nothing.
Put a diamond on her hand.
But she had deserved so much more.
Than this fake ass of a man..
Chop it , bag it , cook it , smoke that shit up.
Daddy dont go broke.
Go ahead baby get so fucked up.
On a downward spiral.
Too damn disheveled to see.
She faced eye to eye with the devil.
And that devil was me.
Clinging to his life they said
he was born addicted.
Suffering for the sins of his father.
Hell was my only reward.
For causing his affliction.
I hadn't known it then.
I was too damn dumb and numb to see.
But this precious little innocents.
He would be the saviour to me.
God must have made a miracle.
And I'm so grateful that he had.
Because the greatest gift I've ever known.
Was becoming a man and his dad.
We watched her as she suffered.
Sure no fault but her own.
But it was I who introduced her.
To this life that she has known.
Green scabbed infections her arms were full of tracks.
My soul was dying inside of me.
As she would beg me for that smack.
There's been no greater pain.
Then to watch the one you love
just crumble before your eyes.
Its been the pain of my regret.
And I feel the fault has always been mine....
©cycojohnny
A