As I lay here
Crying from anxiety
Anxiety from nothing,
I try to be quiet
As quiet as a mouse even,
I'm scared
Scared I may wake up the others,
I don't want to ruin the fun
I don't wanna wake anyone up
Not when it's over nothing…
I just want to be held
Held by someone
No scratch that
ANYONE
I just want to feel protected
And yea I'm in a church
But why?
Why don't I feel safe?
Why am I crying my eyes out?
Why do I feel so alone
Please someone wake up…
I want to smoke a cigarette
Just a puff
I just wanna kill myself a little more
A little quicker
But yet a little slower…
I'm wiping my snot off onto my shorts
Why?
Because my shirt is someone else's
Even my blanket and pillow,
I don't want to get snot on them…
I'm listening to music to help cope
In about 20min I'll have been crying for an hour
I just want it to stop…
I keep pausing while typing this
All because I have to cover my mouth
Just to keep quiet…
I can't seek to the bathroom
The doors make to much noise
It'll wake someone up…
I'm trapped in this room
With all these sleeping people,
Butting my lip, tongue and nails
Just to keep quiet….
My friends gonna have to wash their shirt
I keep drying my tears with it…
I hope they're okay with it…
I've been crying for an hour now…
it stopped once
but it just came flooding back
I wish I could just fall asleep like the rest of them…
©luciel
L