Before
If I was to do it, I would clean my room first. I don’t want my family to have to clean my stuff. I would spoil my dog too. He deserves it. I would make a better relationship with my brother, he’s a great kid but we don’t relate that much. I would tell my dad how much I love him, I don’t say it enough. Id tell my mom to relax, and to live life with love in her heart, we all make mistakes. I would tell my sister that she is perfect just the way she is, she shouldn’t feel the pressure that isn’t there. I would tell my friends how much they all mean to me. They have been there for me for a while, through the highs and the lows, and there were some lows. I would tell my cousin that she doesn’t need to be perfect all the time we will all love her the way she is. I would tell my best friend that she helped me so much with these feelings that I’ve been struggling with. And, to myself. I’m not really sure what I would say to myself if I were about to die at my own hand. I do know what I would say if it were one of the people close to me, I would say, “you have so much to live for, you have so many people who care about you, we don’t want you to leave, please stay for me.” But I’m not sure if I were to listen to those words myself. Finally what would I tell the little kid within me, what would I tell him? I would get on my knees and I would say, “oh buddy, little guy, the feelings are too big, it feels like when you sit in the rapids of the river, withstanding it. The river got to strong and the weight too much. It’s been wearing away at me for a long time, I, everyone gets washed away at some point, to wherever the river goes. I’m just going a little early” that’s what I would do before I did it.
D