Behind my smile at times there's really a black hole that is so deep that no one can reach me no friend no significant other it's even hard for God to reach me there it's not a place that I desire to go to I absolutely abhor it sometimes well most times people don't understand not really understand what depression is it's not like I just wake up in the morning and decide well today I'm going to be depressed it doesn't work like that it is real and it is nothing to laugh at it is very serious and that is why so many people who are on a day-to-day basis are isolating themselves from the world from Friends family everyone and it has nothing to do with them loving you or not this is Just as real as any other form of illness if someone came to you someone you love and care for came to you and told you that they had just come from their doctor and they were given the news that they had cancer would you shun them look at them as if they were crazy I wish you embrace them and hold them tight and tell them that you will be there for them and love them well would you do that for friend our family member are your significant other they came to you and sad.... I'm living with depression and I have been for years and I've been battling it with everything I have I've been going to therapy I've been taking medication I've been praying I've been doing yoga I've been trying to change my outlook on life but I'm still dealing and really suffering daily and fighting daily this awful abyss of a mental hell hole and yes I have been isolating myself I have not been going out and I have not been the wonderful person that I truly am believe it or not depression can be one of the most debilitating illnesses that exist and just because my heart is not failing are my kidneys are not failing or I don't have diabetes it does not mean that this it's not as dangerous do you know how many times I have thought about ending my life because of this torment in my mind no of course you don't because I keep it hidden I've gotten so good at it that I can even pretend that everything is okay and I can smile and I can laugh but when I go home and I am alone that is when it really Stard to work on me it's not something I makeup it's not but a lot of people think I'm not lazy I'm not good for nothing I'm not what Society has to say about me oh yes I know people are trying the mental health community it's trying to portray that they are really concerned about those who are living with mental health issues but let me tell you something if you've ever dealt with the mental health system your local mental health system everything it's about money and if you don't have the type of money that they want you may as well jest go home now I'm not saying that there is not help out there but the system is basically a labyrinth it will take you through so many changes that makes you want to just give up but you have to keep fighting for yourself because at the end of the day when you have that bottle pills the ones that you can take and possibly overdose if you take them all I just want to say this don't do it cheap praying open your Bible know that God is fighting for you even though Satan is also fighting for you but Satan wants you 2 harm yourself he wants you to stay isolated he wants you to take those pills he wants you to slit your wrist he wants you to take that gun and shoot yourself in the head but you can't let him win you have to fight and every day is a fight the struggle is real with depression it is not a joke it is real just like any other medical condition it is highly possible that there is a chemical imbalance of certain hormones in the brain serotonin dopamine so many and medication can help but you have to have the right medication and sometimes it takes trying more medications than you can possibly remember and usually depression comes along with anxiety and panic attacks and chronic insomnia so if you have a loved one and you have noticed that they or not what is considered to be themselves and they've isolated themselves from going to family cookouts attending birthday parties it's friends they don't really want to go out you find that they I'm not as social as they used to be don't call them antisocial don't criticize them for not hanging out like they used to instead why not approach them in a loving way and say that you are concern about Sam overdose if you take them all I just want to say this don't do it keep praying open your Bible know that God is fighting for you even though Satan is also fighting for you but Satan wants you to harm yourself he wants you to say isolated he wants you to take those pills he wants you to slit your wrist he wants you to take that gun and shoot yourself in the hand but you can't let him win you have to fight and everyday is a fight the struggle is real with depression it is not a joke it is real just like any other medical condition it is highly possible that there's a chemical imbalance of certain hormones in the brain serotonin dopamine so many and medication can help but you have to have the right medication and sometimes it takes trying more medication then you can possibly remember and usually depression comes along with anxiety and panic attacks and chronic insomnia so if you have a loved one and you have noticed that they are not what is considered to be themselves and they've isolated themselves from going to family cookouts... attending birthday parties they don't really want to go out you find that they are not as social as they used to be don't call them antisocial don't criticize them for not hanging out like they used to instead why not approach them with love and say that you are concerned about them... bashing them is only going to make them go deeper into the depression until you won't see them or hear from them at all anymore this is coming from someone who is currently surviving depression this is real and I would not wish this on my worst enemy we're talkin about 25 plus years living with depression and they can take you to some really dark places and sometimes you just have to wait it out you just have to go through that face that very dark phase and it's almost like you're just existing you're not really living and it takes a lot just to make it through the TA and honestly I don't expect those who have never been in my shoes to understand but it's okay I don't hold it against anyone I have some wonderful people in my life friends who don't judge me because of the depression they love me for me that's part of who I am and they accept it it's not that they are still.
I'm.. still doing okay and they try to snatch me up to make sure that I get out and doing the time that I was taking care of my dad I really didn't get out much at all but it away that was okay because I would still have moments of depression phases I called them they would just come on me and sometimes it will last for a week sometimes two weeks but that didn't stop me from taking care of my dad I mean I wasn't going to really be going anywhere anyway because he needed someone to be with him at all times and it could be very expensive to get someone to come and sit with him for just a few hours you really learn about the system in that way when you have to care for a loved one who requires that type of care but it was okay because I love my dad and I still do and now I have a freedom choice and now some would say there it's no excuse for me not to get out and enjoy life to its fullest and believe me I have every intention of enjoying life but I also still have to deal with this reality that I do have a legitimate illness but that does not mean that the illness has to have me .. there will be times when no matter what I do I will still have to battle this just like anyone who is battling any other type of illness just have to take it one day at a time and that's all we really have anyway one day at a time and I realize that most people still may not gets it because people a lot of times look at the material thing oh you have you have a car you have a nice car you have a job you have nice clothes you have this you have that but those are material things and unfortunately why do you think there's so many celebrities committing suicide and you're finding out that all alone with all the fame and the money in the big homes in so forth and so on even with all of that they still ended their lives because it does not matter how much money are material things you have that is not going to feel whatever hole exist within that individual who is battling that depression so I would say this instead of society trying to put those dealing with depression or other types of Mental Health disorders before you put us in a box try asking yourselves one question what if it with me or what if it what's my child then what would you have the same attitude I would you do all you could help yourself to help your child would you steal look at people with depression as being fake... antisocial... strange... weird or would you look at them with kindness and care and realize that it could have easily been
remember you worthy
of love
©poeticluv
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