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choose my demons wisely

They warned me to choose my demons wisely,
But I'm confused because this is very dicey,
See one of my demons kills me nicely,
He abuses me but he treats me like a human being,
He gives me a sense of belonging,
But he causes me great pain and a desire that my heart is longing,
My second demon treats me harshly,
she makes me feel like nothing,
she hurts me,
She pours salt on my wounds and i scream daily,
so you see the dilemma I'm caught in,
One injures me while the other makes sure the wounds don't heal,
Please tell me which demon should I choose to torment me.
©deryl