I can't count the number of times I wished to die in my sleep
I guess I have tried suicide several times by shutting my eyes
I've given up on my dreams several times by falling asleep
Sobbing through my pillow hoping it's the last
Letting the pain eat up my soul hoping it's final
I've committed suicide perhaps not bold enough to swallow pills or throw myself in the river
But I've drawned myself through insomnia tried killing myself countless times by covering up my head under the pillow with all my pain shut in
my unspoken anger stuffed between my throat hoping it'll burst in the middle of the night before I see another day of struggles and agony
But still woke up, bottled up, and felt fucked up one more day, days have turned to weeks months invited in years and I almost forgot my initial suicidal thoughts each and every other day that I had a new challenge to deal with
I've had to realize am stronger than I was the other day
Each and every time a whisper almost escaped the gap between my front teeth to say "I'm surely gonna die this time"
But I still live one more second hour
24hours have been enough for me to give up on my dreams and feel more worthless than i ever felt before
But then like a phoenix I keep rising from the ashes
Abibi✴️♠️🖤
©Abibi
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