People say to remeber it's not my fault
Nothing I could do
But it dosent change the fact
I cant help but wonder
What can I say
I have to think
Why wasent I good enough
Why wasent I worth it
Why wasent your own daughter
Who you said meant the world to you
Not be enough
You lied
Said that I was the most important
Than any relationship
I was your world
So then tell me
Daddy
Why you're not here
What was that look
You used to watch me
When I would be weird or random
Or just when I was happy
And you had this look
Like you couldent be happier
Like this was all you needed
So at peace
Watching me grow up
We had our issues
But we were getting better
I was seeing you more than I had
Since the divorce nine years ago
But was that not enough for you
Was I not as important to you as I thought
As you said
Was it all a lie
A game
Facade
Hypocrite
When I was having the hardest times
In the phyc ward all three times
You told me how much pain
I would leave everyone in of I let go
How selfish it would be
How painful for you
But did that not apply to you
Beacuse Dad I'm wondering
Why two weeks before my sweet sixteen
You wrote a note
Downed the pills with alcohol
And close your eyes
Did you think about how much pain
You were leaving
Or did you no longer care
That your daughter just about to be sixteen
Was losing her Daddy
From his own self
His own choice
Wasent there to tell
When I got my permit
Wont be able to tell
When I get my licence
And soon after you did it
Was Fathers Day
Where will you be when I graduate
When I got to college
When I graduate college
As you watch me chase my dreams
Work towards my career
And damn it Dad where will you be
When I get married
Who is walk me down the isle
Who will be my children's Grandfather
What about my brother
Your son
Just turned twenty a week before
You did it
Hasent even graduated college yet
Achieving his dream
In a hard to get college for his career path
But an amazing one for it
What about when he gets married
When he has kids
What about the little things
The small stuff I want to tell you
You used to always randomly
Remind me
Out of nowhere
"You're beautiful, amazing, strong, smart,
incredible, and so amazingly kind. Caring
so much for others and doing anything
to help people. I am so happy to be your dad,
you make me so proud. You always will,
you could be a garbage man, I dont care.
You'll still be an amazing person, and I will
always be proud of everything you do."
But not good enough
Not as incredible to you as you said
Otherwise
Dad
You would be
By my side
Not me looking at the gravestone
With your named carved on it
Knowing that this happened
But was a choice
Not an accident
That's what hurts the most
So Daddy
Was it worth it
Beacuse I'm left broken
Or did you not care
How you were leaving me
Destroyed
I'm so extremely pissed at you
Want to scream at you
Hit you
But so painful and hurt
Sad
And yet
Of course
I still love you
But I will never
Can never
Forgive you
For ending your own life
Daddy
©melodyal
M