I've read your comments
But I'm still in torments
So encouraging they are
But I lack the courage to face my trouble
You all saying I'm the problem
That I'm to blame
Some think i don't believe in God
Well,
Some of you are right
But others wrong
I believe in God
I do pray
That I stop being a prey
To my grey scary demons
I plead and cry to the Most high
Almost every night
But I don't know what happens
Some days I'm good
Some I'm not
But that's something you will ever understand
Call me a sadist
Call me depressed
Call me bipolar
Just call me anything you wanna call me
But keep in mind you can't handle half of what I'm handling now
You think I've given up?
You think I've lost it all
Well point blank I'm here
Still breathing
Still fighting
Doesn't it tell you something?
Being alive is a sign
A sign that I'm trying
It's a fighting symbol
I do read the bible
And my favourite verse
Jeremiah 29:11
Deep down I know that
He has great plans for me
Deep down I know that
He has secured my future
Deep down I know that
He's helping me fight
I guess that's why I'm here
So many suicidal attempts
I've survived
Not by my will
But by His will
So many times He has saved me
I know all that
I still believe in Him
I've tried casting my burdens
Unto Him because he cares
That's what the Holy Books says
But I don't know why they still come back to me
Why I'm still struggling
I haven't given up
Though at times it gets tough
My faith shaken
And I begin to doubt
I slit my wrists
Pop some pills
Hoping to die
Why lie I go through that
Almost every now and then
So you know I'm still trying
©mara_pain
Life is a series of pain.
©mara_pain
M