Dear ex boyfriend
I am not here to expose you but I am here for you to listen
I am here for you to listen to the non broken heart that I now have
Or the nightmares that I seem to have every night
I am not here to make you feel bad about the selfish decisions you've made
I am not here to act as if I care that you have redeemed yourself
As for I am here to just talk
For you are not only deserving of love but you are also deserving of Love in Paradise
I am not here to confess to you the lies that you've embedded into my brain
I am not here to yell or scream at you
I am not here to remind you of the aching that you've caused inside my chest
I'm not here to ask for the cure of a broken remedy
I am not here because I need your apology
I am simply here to talk to you as a person, which I would have been pleased with if you would've listened as you are now
I'm not here to make you look bad
I'm not even here to tell you how sad I am...
How sad I am that you left after I was finally attached to you
How sad I am when I gave you my heart, soul, and time
How sad I am because I expected something from you when all I got was a sample
But yeah I'm not here to do that, like I said...I'm just here to talk
But I do want to go over one thing! Just this one thing, I'll make it QUICK!
So the thing I want to ask you is, why lead me on 3 times if you thought it was a mistake
Do you really hate me that much to the point where you have to break my heart and corrupt my mind not once but 3 times
Am I really that ugly to where you have to disrespect not only my appearance and my insecurities but the woman that I was birthed from
Do you really not have at least of bit of respect in your heart to let me live my life instead of taking the last little piece of hope and self respect that I have
I mean do you really hate me that much to the point that you don't care about screwing up your image
Well that's all I wanted to cover for that matter...again I'm just here to talk
I mean don't you find the tiniest bit of interest that I started to feel this way after you broke up with me
And don't you find it weird even after all this time you still deny the truth
I mean it's obviously okay if you're in denial because obviously I've been in denial too
I mean could you tell me what I did to deserve all this pain that you have caused me
But don't get me wrong I'm not asking for you to tell me how I can change myself so you can love me for a fourth time
I'm asking why did you hurt me in the first place
I'm asking you, how did it all start
I'm asking you, what made me so special as to why you had to break my heart when there were so many fish in the sea
I'm asking you, are you all right
Because what I don't understand is how a single person could have caused another person to feel so much heartache
Because to be honest with you that is just abnormal and out of this world it's like you aren't even from this planet
I mean are you all right, do you need to see a doctor, do you need my help
Or do you need any kind of special assistance
Because all I did was try to love you
All I did was try to care for a person who doesn't understand the meaning of love
A person who doesn't respect me that much to tell me how he truly feels
A person who is so afraid of the truth being out in the open that he'd rather hide and let someone he cares about go
But can you tell me why I care for this person
Or can you tell me why I have feelings for this person
Explain to me how that person became so special in my life
No...no you cannot
Because to truly understand how I felt in that situation you have to be in my shoes
And not only do you have to be in my shoes but you have to be able to handle it
How could I love you, you may ask
I loved you because of how your eyes were able to reach past my barrier and comfort me
I loved you because you always knew what to say
I loved you because you were there for me when I needed you most
I loved you because you were so passionate about helping your family out
I loved you because you protected me
I loved you because you listened
I loved you because you cared about how I felt
I loved the way that you would touch my hands and wipe the tears from off of my cheeks
I loved the way that you would hold me close to you and whisper in my ear that everything would be alright
I loved the way that your lips tasted and the feeling of them when our lips made contact with each other
I loved how you would always tell me how beautiful I was
I loved how we would argue about the littlest things and you would always be the first to apologize
But then you changed...
You became someone that I couldn't recognize anymore...
You became someone who didn't cause not only mental pain but also physical pain...
You became so violent and your actions..
like that one time when you mistook me talking to one of my cousins to try and comfort him... so you decided to throw water balloons at the back of my head and my chest and in my back and get my body soaking wet with water in the wet rain
And as mad as you were you didn't even come to look for me as I laid there in the grass holding my knees as I cried silently... Shaking
Or that other time when you punched me in my back multiple times... It's even got to the point where I couldn't even stand up straight or even take a step
Now that I remember you never even apologized for your actions that day... You just laughed it off
But then there was that time... When I got hurt by the dog's leash and you carried me all the way up the two flight of stairs like a groom and his bridesmaid
I remember the look on your face... I remember the fear in your eyes as if I was going to have to get my leg amputated
But then the summer ended and we went our separate ways... I contacted you any changed again... It was as if you were the enemy
Again I'm not here to expose you I'm only here to talk
I'm not here to ask for your forgiveness
I am not here to fight
Although I'm also not here to smile nor am I here to laugh
I'm not even here to tell jokes or even have a nice time with you
I feel like that should be the respect that I deserve after what you did to me
I'm done
I came here to tell you that I'm done
That I'm done with your lies and your games
I'm done with the manipulating mind tricks that you play on me everyday
I'm done with your love
Shit I'm even done loving you
So all I ask of you is not to contact me or speak on my name...because remember you don't care
Don't even reminisce about me or think about me or visualize about me because I will not be doing that because I will be moving on
Dear ex boyfriend
I am not here to expose you but I am here for you to listen
I am here for you to listen to the non broken heart that I now have
Or the nightmares that I seem to have every night
I am not here to make you feel bad about the selfish decisions you've made
I am not here to act as if I care that you have redeemed yourself
As for I am here to just talk
For you are not only deserving of love but you are also deserving of Love in Paradise
©lil_jann
L