I'm sorry, I need to rant for a minute.
Can you tell me what I did to deserve this pain? Tell me what I'm doing wrong so I can change. Is this some kind of devine retribution? I'm tired of hurting God, what are you doing?
If you can't help me who do I look to? What is my purpose? All my attempts at suicide, but you never would let me die. Why?
Why do you let people hurt us, mess up our entire lives, and in the end we're the only ones hurting. Why am I feeling retribution when you let these people keep murdering and abusing?
I don't get you God! This shit does not amuse me! I have asked you so many times to heal me and nothing. A part of me is starting you think you're a phoney. All of my life they have told me you are faith, hope, and love, I've believed in you and defended you.. But I feel I've been lied to.
Every night praying to A God above, but sadly I'm broken and you won't fix me. So I ponder suicide, I know I am impossible to be loved. That's all I ever wanted. I've asked you to show me how it should be, help me along the way, and teach me things.. But it seems I can't be heard.. And grievously that is nothing new to me.
The harder I try the more I fail.
It's clear I will never be worthy of love, so I give up.
I honestly didn't think I was asking to much.
Just one more stanza.
I am confused, is this a propaganda?
I asked for one thing and still haven't got it, but you tell me that I should still follow your guidelines? Forgive me Lord, but this is absurd. What about keeping your word!?
©pnda392
P