Dear John, this is my letter to you
It holds the moonlight just like your eyes do
It exposes the unwritten words, the curtain of tears
And it discloses all of my bottled up fears
It was a golden sunset the first time I saw you
The seagulls were chirping and the water was a deep blue
A salty breeze tossed my blonde hair, a gust of fairy dust
Opposite to the roaring wind that later eroded our metal dreams to rust
Was it fourteen years or was it really only a fortnight
How did you paint my heart with a shade of red so bright?
How did the orange flames burn us, even though we were an ocean love?
What was the secret behind the pink blossoms and white doves?
We found love running on the sand like a pathway to heaven
We lived behind silver walls that have long since fallen
We danced on clouds while swimming in the aqua waves
And we buried all past worries and fears in haunted graves
Long nights, barbecues by engulfing fires and stars in our eyes
The silvery moonlight illuminating our joy and keeping our hopes alive
Car rides,cold rain trickling down our skin, childish joy so rare
Dinners with your father, the possibility of family in the air
It was a fortnight of laughter, a fortnight of magic
Before we were hit with deathly lightning so tragic
Did we ever look past the foam in the waves and the shadow of the moon?
Or did love render us so blind we really believed life was all in good tune
I see now, we were actually minted, shining coins
Rusting now through the long days of grief and loud noise
And you were a coin in the United States army
Imperfect now with that bullet scar on your body
You made a promise to me that day on the warm sand
You vowed you'd be back after a year to hold my hand
And I believed you, I smiled, I trashed the doubts in my heart
I destroyed the fear that everything would fall apart
I remember how my heart shattered as we said our goodbyes
I couldn't disguise my pain no matter how hard I tried
I pictured you fighting in the heat and the sand dunes
And my tears ran as I whispered, "See you soon".
A year of waiting took over, a year of ghosts
Twelve months of bittersweet smiles and handwritten notes
Mine were crisp and white from the notebook from university
Yours were crumpled and stained with war terrors and agony
We caught on to the words like our lives depended on them
As it was the only way we could look into each other's realm
We waited, looking at the moon, seeking comfort and an escape from the pain
And I thought, no matter where we are, the moon is the same
I woke up from nightmares of your corpse trampled under boots
When I slept, I fell through the sky without a parachute
I saw your armour ridden with bullets, carrying my heart on its sleeve
But I stayed strong, stiffened my lips and gritted my teeth
When you came back, we painted life together again like typical lovers
We drew each other's portraits with the brightest of colors
Trying to hold on to the remaining innocence that was already slipping away
Our smiles were short lived, but hope still burned as long as I had a say
The glass ornament shattered as I realized another two years you had to serve
You cried beside me, torn between honor and love
You picked honor, and really, you couldn't have been more right
But at that time, only thorns and fire was in my foresight
I see now, it was your duty, you couldn't have let your team down
But I was really blinded at that time, my heart was in lockdown
After all, it's hard to see when your hopes are aflame
When your eyes leak acid rain and you try to spit out flames
It was a dangerous game, choosing to love a soldier
But I still played, cause I didn't think the chess pieces were dynamite
We were moved around the board like the confusing thoughts of a composer
From a queen and a knight, we became common black and white
I should've known it, I knew from the start you were a soldier
But I still wasn't prepared to fight the storms and break the boulders
I couldn't carry the dreadful weight on my weak shoulders
So I chose to look away and ignore your notes in folders
I know you were serving your country, you didn't want to be without me
But I wasn't strong enough to face the storm and see reality
I know it wasn't your fault, you weren't to blame
But I wasn't ready for my red to turn blue in the flame
Dear John, I know you blame me, I should have waited
And I blame myself too, it was selfish, I was blinded
But I was young, I was upset, I was foolish
And I pushed you away, that I accomplished
I've long since lost the right to know about your life
And how are things with you and will you ever get a wife
And did the twin flame bruise paint you as bad as it did me
And when you close your eyes at night, what do you see
I didn't wait, that was my biggest and worst mistake
And I regret it now, but we can't rewind time
But no matter what, time can't steal my feelings
But I know you will not want me to sit and pine
Dear John, it's over now
Our love has trickled away like bad bathwater
Memories of you are just gusts of fruity perfume
But I'm glad it happened, I'm glad we picked the love bloom
Cause I experienced something so lovely and rare
I only wish it had been less dark and more fair
Dear John, I'll never forget you
You were an angel in my life, so bright and blue
And if I could go back in time and act different, I would
I wouldn't let you wait for me alone, I'd wait for you like I should
I'd appreciate you more, I'd create hope from the cries
I'd rewind the clock, I'd dig up the tomb
And this time I know I'm wallowing in far fetched lies
But I'll still say it..."I'll see you soon"
©hafsahatun
H