It is one AM,
Yet I fail to sleep
Once again
Its as if my mind
Is poisoning me
With lies
Because when I can't sleep
I tell myself it's FINE
Even when I know it's not alright.
I try
Just to hide
From myself
Within my mind
But I can't be satisfied
Not with joy
Nor with faith
Hope, love, or pity.
For I pity myself
I have hope for others
Faith in anyone but me
And I cannot feel joy
Nor express love without being shunned
Being alone isn't hard
For I am alone with her
But when I'm alone
With my mind
It hurts
Needles in my finger tips
Surgeons strap me to a table
Fill my head with drugs to numb the pain
As they tear my heart to pieces
Luckily,
I cannot feel, so
Hurt me
If it makes you feel better
Make me die for you
If it helps you in some way
Make me live for you
If for some reason you must
Make me lie for you
If it will protect you.
I will do it all
If that is what you ask of me.
I'll live long enough to lie for you.
Then you can hurt me when it suits you,
And dispose of me when I have no use.
But before I go,
I want you to know
The drugs
That they pumped in my head
It did not numb the pain
It did not protect my heart
As you, my surgeon,
Tore it apart
But I cherish you still,
My love
©aspen_fall
A