DIME IN MY FATE
The blood flowing from my wrist is so cold. I am close to death when my soul slips into a dream…
I see my Old Dame, speaking words of farewell to me. I try to scream, but not a single sound escapes my lips. I reach for her, desperate to stay by her side—but a blinding light pulls me away.
I find myself in a life that is simple on the surface, yet hollow with loneliness and unspoken questions. Life isn’t cruel, but why have I no sire and dam? Where have they gone? My small hands wipe away tears as I force each day to fit the words: This is just how it is.
Then I am pulled elsewhere. Voices fill the air, but my young heart cannot bear their weight—they do not want me to stay.
I wander, and by chance find a familiar face. For a moment, joy blooms within me—I have found him, with whom I share a thread of being. Yet living in his world is a tangle of pain, with only fleeting sparks of happiness. I had thought life could be simple, but even with a roof over my head, the space is empty—no warmth of love fills the air, no gentle touch soothes my skin.
I learn to fight for myself, to choose my own path. But every choice earns me scolding, never the understanding that might soften the weight of punishments I can barely endure. In the quiet corners of my mind, I wonder: Where is she? Perhaps if I found her, the emptiness pressing down on my soul would finally lift. But I know the brutal truth—I will always be a stranger to them.
I let go of all hope, of every fairy tale of love and care I had ever dreamed. I drift through life, pulled from place to place. I try to be kind, but am so often misunderstood. I plead for people to stay, yet always end up alone.
Since I was six winters old, my breast hath been rented asunder—yet I cling to a fragile hope for something brighter. But fate pulls me down to my deepest despair. Now I lie here, waiting for it all to end—my skin is pale, my breath thin. But no—the light pulls me away once more, forcing me to keep moving forward. What a cruel, mocking fate!
I strive to walk in sun and air, yet pass as mist before their eyes. A shadow creeps within my breast, and I turn from the light I once sought. Grudges wrap around my soul like thorns. So I ask myself—What profit lies in tending to the bloom, when I might lay a thorn upon their path?
I bend my will to draw breath’s thread, yet am as dust beneath their feet.Weeds take hold where warmth once grows, and I turn my face from gentle ways.
Then fate brings two fair and tender spirits into my life. I dare to believe all the emptiness and pain will be washed clean away. But a hollow space remains deep within me—silent and heavy with loneliness. The ache is so sharp I could never find words to make others understand.
Even as I step away from the paths others walk, I cannot shake the sadness that clings to me like a shadow.
The light pulls me away again. This time, I see a face wreathed in a smile—I do not know her, but my blood recognizes her at once. My soul soars, and loneliness begins to fade… but only for a moment. Soon, I am alone again.
So I stopped believing entirely. I build walls around my heart so high no one can reach me. I let a choice few step inside, but never let them stay. Now, I tell myself I am content with what I have—just me.
Surely thou knowest too: sometimes, solitude is the only peace a soul can claim. 🌘✨01122026 ©LanZhan
L