Disguised

Seemingly normal
Full of laughter and poise
But alas,
I should have known it would be me
The one to be destroyed
The one to blame
I believed you
Lost so much
Nothing gained
LIES!!
Sold to me
Told to me
Right through your teeth
To eventually
Bear it's weight down deeply upon me
You fooled me
You won
You had the last laugh
I am no fool to the pain
But the game?
I'm not so good at
To deceitfully
Intentionally
Try to hurt
Cause pain
To another human being
For you were one of the very few
Who led me to believe I wouldn't have to
Experience this magnitude
Of angst
Sad but true
You wear my tears like a coat of armour
Why?
How?
I no longer
Want those answers
Because
I'm broken down
YOU BROKE ME!!
Yet you show no remorse
But say you care for me
Well I say
YOU FUCKING PLAYED ME!!!
Time and again I waited
For you to just tell me
What I already knew
That there was a monster inside of you
The heart that I was sure
To be as pure
As it was shown to me
But fake was the face
That shined through the cracks
As your mask
Started to fall
HOW COULD YOU!!??
I was already broken when you met me
You even called it when you said you could guess me
Why would you want to shatter me?
YOU RUINED ME!!
You are the same as all the others
The ones who you said you would never be
Could never be
The ones who you said you hated
For what they had done to me
The ones who changed me
Controlled me
Dictated and demeaned me
Condescendingly
This is why I'm a flight risk
Always wanting to run
When the unraveling starts to become
FASTER!!!
With every beat of life's drum
Like the heartbeat of a baby doe
Chased in the wild
Fearing where to go
I had but one hope
Within you
A friend that told me nothing
But truth
Or so you once told me
Or so I once naively
Thought I knew
Amused??
Are you??
Wearing the smile of someone
Who feels like the lucky one?
But deep down
Reality comes to remind you
That you will never truly have anyone
Because you are a hateful creature
Instilling pain and endless torture
To those in your destructive path
From the rejection you dealt with
From your painful past
We all have that sordid chapter
That we don't like to read aloud
Where we lost our inner self
Our inner child
But you used me
Betrayed me
Never knew the reasoning
Yet you said you wanted to help me
But I couldn't help you
Because you wouldn't
Allow me
Yelling so loudly
ANGRILY!!
At the world or yourself?
I didn't put those notches on your belt
The ones that add up to all your scars
The same scars that I
ALONE!!
Have felt
WAY before I pushed aside my pride
To accept any help
So thank you for doing what you said you would never do
To become someone
I would regret turning to
I let down my guard
I opened up to you
Now do you see why I never came to you?
I hate people more than ever now
Because of you
Never going to trust again
To fall in love
Or depend on someone
Who claims to be a friend
After what you put me through
Disguised behind a mask
Of untimely chaos
THE ENEMY IS YOU!!
©shandilace