how do I lose you?
how do I let go?
how do I cast aside the love that wither and never got the chance to grow?
this heartache like lithium a familiar poison I grew to know?
to love yet lose everything and to never feel whole.
the sickness numbing me as I lose control.
yet I feel so cold.
so empty inside.
you were my world then you died.
I feel helpless worthless cuz I wanted a love like yours.
you loved me with every inch of you till God slammed the door.
I found myself hating religion hating the very air I breathe.
hating the seasons time itself cuz the woman who was supposed to be my bride is no longer with me.
I have flashbacks of you.
erotic nightmares about you that I wished never ends.
I cry a silent cry at night.
drowning in tears over and over again.
cuz I couldn't love moderately.
I wanted you with all my heart.
now it aches.
now it just tears me apart.
falling in the forever abyss.
the gaping black hole of nothing that used to be me and you.
I still taste your lipstick on my lips.
from kissing I wished it leaved a sore.
I loved you yet my heart is so cold.
like a icebox yet I spiral out of control.
another I wish in my bed.
she reminds me of your soul.
she loves me like I'm something to lose.
her body caresses me like yours.
her lipstick stained lips kiss me like yours.
when she hugs me crashing into me colliding tightly pressed against me as she feels like yours.
yet she's a different face.
yet I know I can't never leave this place.
yet when I close my eyes I see your face.
and I whine.
I cry again.
I scream a horrid scream.
as I want you as the same as time after time again.
making love to your ghost.
being seduced by it's daunting wails.
as I wish I could be yours again and fall back into this beautiful hell.
yet my girlfriend is my second chance.
to love her like I did you.
yet in the dark I stare at your pictures as you are still near my heart.
hanging a thread.
hanging to me like we will never be apart.
I dream of you yet drowning in my sorrow cuz I didn't want to be apart.
but I was supposed to remember you.
so I can let someone else near my heart.
show her the hero not the monster though sometimes she can tell them apart.
yet I let her next to my heart.
her fingertips grazed me as I didn't ever be torn apart.
yet now you are gone she's the only one I let near my vacant quiet broken heart.
©darkdeity
D