There is an emptiness
Inside of me
That fills the air
With contempt,
And it breaks me
From the silence
Of my better efforts
For they aren't seen
Nor heard.
Who cares that I know
I've trudged through hell
And came out a halfway decent person?
My loudest fights
Have led to frantic static
My brain no longer wants
To decipher.
There is an emptiness
So vast and terrifying,
That beginning to describe it
Brings me panic and horror,
And my loved ones
Can approximate but never arrive
At the feeling which
Consumes my will
And separates me
From myself.
I've tried to fill it
With drugs and poems,
Music and skin,
But the chemicals fade.
The words, trite in the morning.
The song is over
And the climax just another end.
Still I persevere
To be boisterous and loud,
For this silence
Is killing me
Whether I make a sound
Or drown in it.
So I've mastered distraction
And appropriate interaction
To tell myself:
It wasn't all for nothing
If I've heard myself fight.
©noodle
N