This constant hate and fear
Hatred for myself
For what I do
For what I've done
For what I could do
And for I will do
I'm so tired of it sometimes
I'm tired of looking in the mirror and hating myself
I'm tired of looking at my body and just thinking immediately about how people could sexualize it
I'm tired of loathing how innocent I portray myself
Only to let people down with how pathetic and useless I am
I want to bring you in
I want you to feel like you could have me
And I want to take over your everything
But i will never let it happen
I take your heart and eat it before your eyes
You want to make the pain go away
But it never will
I will never allow you to forget and I wont let you forgive yourself for the nothings you've done
I will make you think it's all your faul
Make you feel like you could have done more
That you could have done better
But it will always be my fault
Deep down I know what I'm doing
I know the pain I'm causing
But will I quit
Never
It's the only time I can feel something in my pathetic existence
I use people not because I want to
But because I can
Because I know what I can get
I know what i can take
And i will take everything
But only until I get bored
And dont worry
I will start talking to another guy
Wrap him around my pinky and the drop you off like you are nothing
Make you feel like you are broken
Make it all hurt and act like I dont care
Like I tried everything I could and gave up
When in reality I never cared in the first place
You'll find you'll love me still and want to keep trying
Or that you can fix it and make it all better and like it never happened
Save your energy
Honestly I'm laughing because you are all that gullible
Because I'm still doing the same thing over and over again
Because no one ever learns
Not even me
I know what I want
But I also know that I will never get it
Why
Because I'm so lost in my own darkness that no light can reach me
I have become a dweller within my own demons
Within my own hell
I broke myself long ago
Twisted my own logic and thoughts that nothing will ever make sense again
I'm lost in my own world and nothing can bring me back
So do yourself a favor and run
If you see me, it's better for you to leave me be
Don't get involved no matter how "strong" you think you are
Back away before I eat you whole
I'm not worth saving and I'm not worth the effort
You're better off never speaking to me.
©echo
E