I closes my eyes.
I see you.
barely teenaged angelic you.
radiating youth and beauty you were as I began to fall again.
twelve years old me couldn't take the pressure of the heartache of the breakup of my once and forever first love.
foolishly I had only forgotten.
I blotched out the pain long ago as I became more animalistic less human.
tearing off layers becoming every girl's aching worst nightmare.
I was nothing now.
a shell.
a vessel of my former self and you were the dark mirror that saw through my reflection yet I wanted to have you, no I needed to have you.
at least one more time.
unable to speak.
paralyzed by utter shame and deabilitating guilt.
I could only imagine how you felt.
sitting there in the library as the air caress your long sandy brown hair your blue eyes dead focus on the paper in front of you as I died inside slowly but surely.
I was becoming dead to you but I wanted again just to be more.
I wanted you to look at me the way you used to, back when you sitting on a old white oak tree and I was too shy and bashful to feel anything but love.
our classmates envied us, yet they hated the bond we held so dearly.
knowing we were doomed to love.
doomed to want some version of each other forever.
I hated the way they treated you I hated the way they treated me.
yet I loved you and didn't know what love was?
and it killed me inside.
to watch your soft porcelain skin to become freshly wet with tears.
to see your Blue eyes and your make up start to run deep like floods.
your mascara unraveling underneath your precious eye.
I didn't want to hurt you.
I just wanted to stop your pain.
I thought it was cuz of me.
for years this has drove me insane.
I wanted to kiss you.
at least take the agony away for good.
I wanted to be with you.
we were so misunderstood.
as you cried there in the corner that day.
I felt every aching pain in my chest.
I wanted you to be with me.
I didn't want it to end like this.
I was cold harsh I should have just stayed with you maybe we could still be.
instead of sitting here in a empty library and you not wanting to talk to me.
this memory is too fresh it bleeds like blood.
as you suddenly faded to black.
my heart whined for you in a way it never could.
missing you but you're gone.
the girl I loved, yet I thought I never could.
fading to black me and you and the very fact that our love was misunderstood.
©darkdeity
D