Fade To Grey

Fade To Grey
This poem I’m writing
Might be my last to say
Just memories of good and bad
The only ones that stayed
I had friends I called my own
Family playing make-believe
Truth and lies collide inside
With answers I can’t see

Those who know me know the pain
The cards I’ve always drawn
I can’t erase the things I did
I just keep moving on


I’m not asking to be saved
I just need to be understood
I’m hurting, I’m human
Doing the best that I could


I’m still here, don’t look away
Even when I fade to gray
I was there, I tried, I cared
Even when I disappeared

Don’t decide who I should be
You don’t know what lives in me
I don’t need a verdict or blame
Just remember my name


My best friends were all I had
When the nights got hard to breathe
Some I loved never saw me
I was just a ghost they’d leave

But some stayed through every fall
When I felt I couldn’t go far
You know who you are to me
You helped me heal these scars

I’ve worn my heart upon my face
My emotions never hide
If I’m distant, if I’m cold
There’s a reason deep inside

Am I your friend or enemy?
This isn’t court, don’t judge my soul
Only I know who I am
Only I know what took its toll

I try to grow, I try to change
Healing takes its time
I gave up parts of who I was
Just to leave the past behind


I’m still here, don’t look away
Even when I fade to gray
I was there, I tried, I cared
Even when I disappeared

I’ll learn to stand, I’ll learn to heal
Find my worth, learn how to feel
I won’t give up, I’ll find my rest
Through the pain, I’ll do my best

Family lasts, friendship too
Loneliness cuts deep and true
But loving myself is how I start
Finding peace within my heart