family gathers. I retrieve on Facebook. Family talks. I take two hits of cannabis, to relax. medical. Mother shames me. brother shares.
I go back to a time where the voices are at bay, where the mind slows where the suicidal thoughts go away.
family gathers. The cannabis makes me talkative. I add what I have to say about whatever it is that I feel adds to the conversation to the conversation. They are silent. You could hear a pin drop in the room. They move on. I am silent.
I go back to a time where the voices are at bay, where the mind slows where the suicidal thoughts go away.
family gathers, family talks. family makes it so uncomfortable. family commitments on Facebook posts where I post memes about how invisible I feel. they say we see you. you're right there.
I go back to a time where the voices are at bay where the mind slows. where the suicidal thoughts go away. I smoke cannabis and my family talks.
my family gathers. my mother tells me, her 27 year old daughter will 'have a talking to' when I come in from smoking cannabis.
I relax. two hits. mother stares, brother shares.
I go back to a time where the voices go silent. I go back to a time where my mind slows. I go back to a time where there are no more thoughts of suicide.
family gathers. I become bold. I speak instead of turning inward. I add to the conversation. they laugh this time. my heart races. they heard me speak. heart races. I glow, proud that I was heard.
I go back to a time where the voices are at bay. a time where the mind slows. a time where the suicidal thoughts stop. I smoke two hits medical. mother stairs, brother shares.
©babypoet
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