My family always tells me
I'm worthless or I'm dumb.
Then they go and yell at me
When I say that I feel numb.
They scream at me and yell
That all the things they say are true,
It's hard not to believe it,
But it's what I try to do.
I always feel okay when I'm alone within my thoughts,
But then they say those awful things
And my stomach twists in knots.
Sometimes I want to leave,
And I know that some could bear,
But if I never returned
Would my family even care?
Sometimes I'd like to test it;
Prove that I am right.
But then I see my reason,
My reason to keep the fight.
My reason keeps me sane,
Even though I'm dying inside.
They help me through the pain,
And show me the path to light.
No matter how I feel,
Or what the world says to me;
I know that I am loved,
But it's not what you think.
Some people say their parents
Would die for them right there,
But my teachers and my friends
Are the only ones that care.
I feel as though I am
Just a living corpse,
But my body still grows older
As time runs it's course.
When I am old enough,
I might drown my thoughts in whiskey.
Then I will sit and ponder
Would anyone even miss me?
What would you say if you ever got that call?
Would you start running
And bawling down the hall?
Would you even go and see me in the box?
Stand up there and stare,
With only three cars in the lot.
Would you feel any pain,
Or use it for self gain?
To take a day off of work,
or keep the kids from school.
I never thought I'd see the day
When funerals were cool.
©
S