Saturday came, and my mother drove me to the Dusable Museum. The place was small and had little historical archives. I came across an archive of Harold Washington’s displayed statue, which I found interesting to write about. While we were walking through a small archival room, observing famous paintings and statues. I noticed that it was only Bernie and me in the archival room.
“Awe I see some black statue niggas in here now. Look, here go Harold Washington, my nigga,” I said. Bernie laughed very hard. He did not say anything, but he laughed at my hilarious jokes. When we were finished walking through the museum, I was about to call my mother to ask her to come pick me up.
“You can ride with me. I take you home. I don’t mind,” Bernie said.
“Really you don’t mind?” I asked.
“Naw, what you want me to drop you off at?’’ he asked kindly.
“You can drop me off at my grandmother’s house. Me and my mama go over there every Saturday,” I said.
“Aww, okay,” he said. We walked toward his baby blue car.
“Awe wow, you drive this small blue car?” I asked, cracking a smile.
“Yeah I know my car looks feminine, but this was all they had. As long as I am riding in a car that get me somewhere,” he said.
“That is what’s up and true.”
While Bernie was driving me to my grandmother’s house, we were conversing about our career interests and hobbies.
“What you majoring in?” I asked.
“I’m tryin to get into technology but I heard you have to be good in math to that, and I’m not good in math,” Bernie said.
“Awe yeah, you have to know a lot of math if you want to become a technician, welder or a mechanic,” I informed Bernie.
“Yeah, but I was thinkin about doin some comedy, like stand up, cause that’s what I’m good at, making people laugh,” he said.
“Oh really? that’s good,” I said. Bernie did not strike me as the type of guy that was interested in making people laugh because of his quietness, and I had not heard a joke from him yet.
“Yeah I love comedy too. I implement a lot of comedy in my artwork and writing because I’m majoring in art & illustration,” I said.
“You liked to draw?” he asked.
“Yeah, I like to draw comics and incorporate comedy into it to make the comic readers laugh. I love making people laugh, did you seen what I just did in the Dusable Museum,” I said.
“Yeah you is funny, I never met a girl that is educated and has expectations on what she wanna do in life,” he said. He then grabbed my hand and added, “I think we have something in common.”
“Yeah I think so too,” I said.
“I was thinkin maybe me and you should go out sometimes. What you think about that?” I asked.
“Yeah that sounds cool. We can do that,” he said.
Arriving at my grandmother’s house and getting out of Bernie’s car, I was hoping this miracle getting to know Bernie would come true. I thought there was something about him that I liked, and he was a really nice guy.
Our first date was at Subway in my neighborhood. We got our two submarine sandwiches, potato chips, and drinks, and we sat near the window. It was nighttime, and we were conversing more about our life stories. After we ate, we sat in the Subway car lot. There were not any other cars around.
“So, what’s up?” I asked.
“What you mean what’s up?” Bernie asked.
“You wanna go back there and do it?” I asked.
“Awe, have sex is what you mean?” Bernie asked.
“Yeah, ain’t that’s what you really wanted?” I asked.
“Yeah, but I could have waited cause most girls would wanna wait,” he said.
“Yeah, but I’m different,” I said.
“Well, okay. Let’s do it,” he said. We moved to the back seat of his car. He was watching me swiftly undressing.
In the car, I was on top of him and he was sitting down as we were humping each other. He had the radio on in his car to a hip hop station. He started to kiss me around my neck and eased his way to kissing me on the mouth. I hated when guys would kiss me on the mouth. I always had fantasies of kissing and making love to a woman. While he was enjoying my body, I was thinking to myself that I hoped this would be over. Soon he was making love to me, so I pretended to make love to him, and kissing him all over his body. As we were done having sex, we quickly put back on our clothes, looking out to make sure no one saw us that we were naked.
After that first date night, we had many more date nights every Friday. A year went by and it was not a perfect year for me. Even though I wanted to build a future relationship with Bernie, I still had feelings for the same sex. The miserableness and loneliness came back again, and I did not want to confront Bernie about my feelings towards the same sex. If I told him, it would tarnish his heart. So I still kept my sexual identity concealed. He was the type of guy that loves to keep having sex for the enjoyment of it and I disliked it. Every time we would have sexual intercourse, I did not feel content about it. I did it because I thought sex was part of a relationship. Every Friday night, going out with Bernie made me feel sad. I thought he could do better than being with someone like me.
#love#gay#lgbt#lesian
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