Suffer in silence, suffer socially
All of my actions secretly unholy.
Hiding away, hiding in plain sight.
Hiding secretly, when you hold me at night.
A mute inside, aloud on the out.
Holding everything in, while still making a sound .
I've worked so hard, letting words leave my tongue.
But nothing important will leave, not a one.
Your smile, I envelop. I bathe in it daily.
But it hurts -it stings- and I feel so crazy.
My hand on your cheek- You're so innocent.
You shouldn't live the hell I'm living in.
My demons are creeping, and somethings not right.
My favorite afflictions don't give me life.
I'm drowning in bottles, pink at the bottom.
Raising the number higher on the lotto.
But your smile -and I stop and think.
Whatever bothers me, I can bring to the brink.
The pain I see, behind that smile.
Is why my pain hasn't come up in awhile.
I ignore how I am, to see the smile that's real.
I parade you with love, because I know how you feel.
Sometimes it's not enough, but I give it my all.
I'll catch you before me, if we ever seem to fall.
I'm mute by choice, but still to this day-
I filter whatever I can and can't say..
Just know that my love has no boundaries.
But a mute, I revert, and always seem to stay.
©clohi420
C