Man
this is gonna hurt ain't it
I'm gonna regret it
arent I
I'm gonna wish this never happened
I'm gonna kick myself arent i?
I'm gonna cry arent I
even though we did so much
you didnt mean it did you
you thought it was joke
you played me didnt you
you thought it was fun
didn't you?
my heart was a ball
and you played it
I caught the feelings
you threw at me
but when I threw it back
you backed away and said sorry
you told me you wanted to
you said the feelings were mutual
but when you said you werent ready
that was code for
you dont want me
I fought
I tried
and you said not to give up
you fucking said it
but I guess it was all a joke huh?
it was a lie
who knew my dumbass would slide
because you knew how I felt
I told you again and again
every little grain of emotion
I shared
and you said it too
I really thought there was something
something between us two
but nope
it was all a lie
I guess I never understood
this is why I dont say
hey I like you
this is why I keep it inside
and hide it away
because I would rather fake it
or suffer in silence
I would rather hug you and say it's just a hug
versus make an awkward squeeze
just to ruin it all
I dont wanna lose you
but I know I'm gonna have to
its gonna hurt isnt it?
I set myself up didnt I
I ruined my own life didnt I
I made things bad for myself didn't I
this shouldn't have happened
right?
I shouldn't have said anything
right?
cuz even though I knew the chances
you knew it would hurt
right?
you knew in the end I would break
right?
did you truly know?
if you asked you knew
you knew you meant everything
everything to me!
every hug
I felt safer
every conversation
a little better
every smile
I fell harder
every laugh
I laughed harder
although I had an idea
I didnt want it to be true
I knew you were never truly mine
even though I hoped
a part of me always knew
"stop"
I know
"it's not gonna end well"
I know
" Hunter, please"
I know
"you're gonna get hurt"
I know!
I'm trying ok?
I'm always sad
but you made it better
till you sent that text saying
hey, I'm with her
ok awesome
I pretended like it was ok
when I'm pretty sure you knew
it wasnt
but your not one to talk
you push it all away and act like it's not
not bad?
not sad?
we were there for each other
all the messages you sent
do I forget those too?
I can try
to forget your smile
your laugh
your voice
but how do I forget our moments
our tears
or our laughter
how do I forget the butterflies inside?
how?
if you want me to move on
please
tell me how
because you had to have known
this would hurt
you had to have had an idea
right?
did you know it would hurt?
or how bad it would hurt?
like someone prying out my heart
or taking out half
and shoving it back in
you dont need the whole thing
right?
because my emotions don't matter
my thoughts about you
or how much I just wanted to hold you
the thought of you
you telling me
"you're mine"
or
i love you
how do i push it away?
how to i stop my mind
or my heart
from wanting
you
only you
no one else
NO ONE ELSE
BUT YOU
how?
how do u stop the pain?
the hurt
oh God how much it hurts
how do I stop it?
because you have let me go
so how are you gonna help me?
how are you gonna stop
the recklessness inside me
how?
if you knew my hurt
how would you stop it?
would you try?
or would you laugh in my face
as you kiss her?
what would you do
if I told you right now how much
I love you
would you care
would you laugh
would you smile
please
please
tell me
what would you do?
because I do
I love you
but loving you
hurts
doesnt it?
I'm broken I know
but all I want is to fix myself
so I can be there for you
only you
even though I know
its gonna hurt
©pastelcry
P