The sound of bolts riding forward, clambering another round.
Spent casings of ammunition riddled throughout this foreign ground.
My hands are calm and steady, my eyes show a similar stance.
But inside my mind, it's racing; my heart seems to be in a steady trance.
To the right and left of me, other soldiers do steadily breathe.
Most alive and well, others blood is splattered warm across my sleeve.
Adversaries give commands, in foreign tongues they loudly speak.
Lo their numbers slowly dwindle, the strength they had is growing weak.
I pop up there, in just an instant; sending metal charged with hate.
Passing through one's shoulders, sealing behind him another's fate.
Dropping back into cover, their fierce commands start a tone of fear.
The gun fire begins to soften slowly and sounds of shuffling fill my ear.
I soon give the order, "Cease fire!" I so sparingly make the call.
Only to see my best friend impacted and the last rise of his chest beginning to fall.
Now here there can be no quarter, despite what decision that may make.
They took the life of my friend, nay brother; now their souls we shall surely take.
And when the last hammer does fall, so does the last of my enemy soldiers.
I wake up in a flash, my heart fluttering; my chest feels nothing but boulders.
Reaching for the bottle next to me in my bed,
I begin to self medicate to chase these demons from my head.
The sheets I lay in drenched, hopefully sweat is the reason why;
Regardless of the reason I add to it, as I slowly begin to cry.
I can't erase their faces, no amount of whiskey will ever do,
What I self medicate for; the thoughts of the battle that did ensue.
No one tells you that the hard part is many a years later down the road,
"You'll get past this" they often tell me but I rarely believe what I am told.
Now nearly ten years to the day that I admittedly sealed my own infernal fate.
I ask myself with tear filled eyes what monster did I clearly create?
Bottles of both pills and drink now take the place of spent casings all around.
You'd never know I had carpet underneath the plastic and glass covered ground.
And whatever chance at a normal life I might have thought one time could ever be.
Is stricken quickly from my sadistic mind, when I think of what lie ahead for me.
©jarnmarr
J