I write not because I want you to come back,
I write because I wanted to kill this part of my heart that is still screaming your name.
I wanted to forget how you treated me as like I matter the most in your life,
unfortunately it is not enough —
seeing that I never been special to you.
I wanted to kill this part of you in my system, not because I hate you,
but because I love you to the point that I'm willing to bury our cherished memories,
just for you to start the new path of your journey with her.
You are the subject of my poetry not because I want you to write back at me,
you are the subject of my poetry because I badly want to erase your name embedded in my heart.
I wanted to forget you — us;
no, what I mean is,
the thought of me that you and I had.
I wanted to burn those letters you sent me that made the butterflies in my stomach alive.
I wanted to disremember those silly and jolly conversation of us that always started in,
"hi" and "how are you?"
I wanted my ears to stop hearing your voice calling my name so loud,
as if I'm the only one that you can see in a crowded place.
That's why I write —
to scrape out this part of you that is still living inside this whole system of mine.
I wanted to be happy again,
without your compliments anymore.
I wanted to be free again,
without your hands that is ready to mend my broken wings.
I wanted to write happy poems again,
without your woeful presence that is still hurting me.
I wanted to be contented enough as you are now,
I wanted to live the real world without pain and heartaches,
as what you're living — with her.
So please,
can you stop messing in my head?
it's too heavy to carry,
I'm begging you to please stop.
I'm still hurting every single day.
So please, stop haunting me
and just live your life with her,
that I once thought I could be.
©iambb
B