I did not know what have gotten into to me these past couple of days. I was so sure that I was pregnant these couple of days. Two days ago, while I was keeping myself busy publishing my artworks and publishing my book stories on these apps. You all are familiar with my Voodoo in The Hood chapters. Not to get off-topic. As I was working on those things, I felt pressure in my stomach. I felt movement going on in my stomach. I said to myself, "Oh Lord I hope I'm not pregnant again, I'm not ready for another child.
I kept touching my stomach all day, the day before and Yesterday. I was extremely frantic. I had texted my boyfriend the day before telling him to call me it was important. Before I started calling him I had prayed because I had a lot of negative thoughts in my head telling myself, "if we have another child, this nigga go have to get 5 jobs, I would have to put these apps on hold for awhile, my passion would be gone for a long time until I find another way to multitask with two kids, I know that the people in my church would talk about us having a second child because it's a sin to have sex outside of marriage and all, shit like that, and if I tell people that I wanna abortion they would judge the fuck outta me." That was all running through my mind Yesterday and the day before. That is why I prayed before I started talking to him. When he called me back, I told him that my stomach been feeling odd lately.
He asked, "odd? How odd?"
I said, "like I'm pregnant again."
he asked, "how you feel pregnant?"
I said, "I feel the same way I first felt when I was pregnant with Kiki. I noticed my appetite is increasing and when I eat, it seems like it is going down another pipe. It feels like I'm eating for two instead of eating for myself, all of this sounds a lot familiar from my first pregnancy. God knows I'm not ready for another child. Kiki gives me a hard time as it is crying so much and throwing tantrums that I have to wipe her ass to shut her up. I love Kiki so much and I am not ready to love another child right now, I have too much feelings for Kiki right now."
he said, "I'm not ready for another child either. I was silent for a minute and he responded again.
He asked, "I thought that birth control pill was in you and I thought it last for five years?"
I said, "Yeah but you can still get pregnant even if you do have a birth control protection device in you. that's why last week I had wanted to schedule an appointment to meet with my doctor to see if the protection device is still in the right place in my vagina cause they told me to schedule an appointment with them after 10 months and it's way past 10 months now. I called up there and the receptionist girl said my doctor won't be in until after next month. That's a long time for me, I wanna know right away. They said they not really scheduling appointments right now cause of the virus still spreading.
He said, "yeah I know that, but I know that's your body and all. I was thinking of a plan B pill."
I asked, "what is a plan B pill?"
He said, " its like a pill to stop the baby from developing if it's a fetus inside of you."
I asked, "what can I get that at?"
He said," they sell it a CVS or Walgreens you can get it from there."
I asked, "do I buy it at the pharmacy or...
He said, "yeah you can get it from the pharmacy."
I asked, "can you take me tomorrow?"
He said, "yeah I take you."
I asked, "so what do I ask when I go up to the pharmacist? I know I don't say aye, you got pills so I can kill the baby that's inside of me?"
He said, "naaaw not like that, you can say you just wanna know if you got some plan B pills or abortion pills to stop the baby from developing."
I said," please keep this just between us, don't tell yo mama and I won't tell my mama cause we already know how they would react to the fact that I'm pregnant again, and if we tell them that we getting an abortion, they would be against that."
He said, "I'm against abortions too but I feel that's yo body, and you can decide on that."
I said, "I'm against it too, but I feel if a person not ready for a child or more children, it's up to the female that if she wanna continue with her pregnancy or not.
When my boyfriend and I talked about the situation of me feeling like I was pregnant. I made some phone calls at the local pharmacies in the area. I called Walgreens around 8, and the operator on the phone said the pharmacy was closed. I called yesterday morning and the pharmacist still was closed. I had called my boyfriend back.
I said, "they still not in, they said they closed, so what can I do now?"
He said,"I looked up the B pills, the results I got said it wouldn't work if you already pregnant, you would have to get some abortion pills to stop the baby from developing."
I asked, "where I get that from?"
He said, "look up on Amazon."
I said, "okay, I call you back."
It had taken me 10 minutes to look for abortion pills on Amazon and the abortion pills I found costed $14 or $19. I had called him back again informing him what I searched.
He said, "14 or 19 dollars for some abortion pills? Naw that wouldn't work, abortion pills cost an arm and leg, we need to look for a higher amount. Try searching for abortion clinics."
I said, "okay, I call you back."
When I hung up the phone, I Googled abortion clinics, and I got different locations. I found one abortion clinic that was near me but when I called, the operator said they were extremely busy with there lines. I am usually the type of person that is patient, but in that moment, I was not. I wanted to handle that right away because I did not want no baby right now honestly. I had found other locations but it was far downtown. I called him again.
I said, "the only locations they got that is available is downtown."
he said, "wow, what street?
I said, "it's on Washington bvld."
He said, "awe, I'm just doing this for us. Usually the further places be the best ones to go to than the local services. You can call them and asked for abortion pills."
I said, "okay, I call you back."
I called the abortion center and a woman answered the phone. I asked her was that an abortion clinic? And it was. I told her my situation, and she asked me did I wanted to take a pregnancy test first, and I was willing to do that. The clinic was opened yesterday. The lady on the phone informed me about their guidelines that I needed to wear a mask coming into the clinic because everyone is still practicing social distancing. No children were not allowed there. Only the patients could sit in the waiting room. I had thought it was going to take us a while getting to the clinic since it was located downtown, but it only took us 25 minutes to get there. My boyfriend and our daughter both stayed in the car until I was finished. The lady informed me on the phone that the pregnancy test was not going to take them long to do. When I opened the clinic door, I walked towards the receptionist desk. I was the only person there, and
a woman was sitting there.
She said, "you here for the pregnancy test correct?"
I said, "yes I am."
She said, "okay sign these two forms.
I took a seat in the waiting room and signed and dated those forms and stood up and gave them back to the woman.
She said, "Okay take a seat and wait until we will call your name. 10 minutes passed, and the woman called my name.
She said, "Ciara? You can come. Here is a cup for your urine test.
I took the urine and I had to wait another 10 minutes to get the results. The woman called my name again.
I said, "Yes?" Walking up to the desk.
She said, "We got your results, it's negative, you are not pregnant."
I was not surprised that I was not pregnant because I was so sure that I was before. Thank God that I was not, but I was still skeptical on why my stomach was still feeling that way.
She said, "it could be due to your protection device, they do leave side effects."
I asked, "what type of side effects?"
She said, "stress, depression, weariness.
I asked, " What about hunger cravings effects, movements in the stomach and emotional effects?"
She said, "yes, birth control can leave appetite increase, emotional stress and movements with bowel movements can make you feel movements in your stomach for some days depending on the bowel movements you have often."
I said, "I forgot about that, I have been having bowel movements lately and diarrhea."
She said, "that explains it all, you will be fine, the test is accurate."
After that, I just think I am sort of paranoid with that. Honestly I am against abortions but I feel that if a woman wants to either abort her child or keep it. It is up to her. It is wrong to give children and abortions. Abortion is murder, I am not going to say it is not. I have to be honest with myself and God. I went to the Lord and told him that if I am pregnant again, I will give the baby up for an abortion. God was not pleased with that, and he will not be pleased with that if me or anyone else decides to do that. I feel that people should not judge other people about things on a situation that they do not understand. We all do have our choices. If anyone decides to abort their children. It is your decision, it is whatever you and your partner decides. Partners and spouses really have to compromise on that. God will forgive you but he will not like it. That goes for me as well. It will be my decision but God will be disappointed in me. Thank God that I am not pregnant again, and for now on I would be more careful on my decision-making.
That photo of me at the top is an old pic of me when I was pregnant my child Kiara Powell. That picture was taken in 2018. She is one-years-old now.
#baby#pregnancy#abortion#clinic#murder#decision#god#jesus#pregnant#child
© All Rights Reserved
©ciara25
C