i would give my last breath

I would give my last breath.
to stop all this pain.
just to shut it off like a child and be happy again.
just to stop this scar from festering to rot.
to kill the bleeding in my heart and just be myself again.
the tears falling carelessly on my pillow.
soaked from nightmares of a family I wished wasn't mine.
yet I suffocate when I'm around you all.
so yes I will give my last just to be someone else just to not be in this hell.
home was like a prison with you.
loving you was the poison that I hated to drink.
every drop more toxic than the last.
every ounce of compassion it killed me slow.
every night wrestling with myself over arguments that made me feel small.
I was always less.
always nothing.
except a kid.
but you took that from me.
my childhood.
my innocence.
my happiness.
you took it all.
yet I had so little.
almost nothing.
I wanted nothing more than to escape.
i hated you.
I hate you all.
that was easy to say when I was alone.
yet I gave my last just for you to leave me alone.
but you are too narcissistic to do that.
I hate the word family it violates your trust your privacy but it always the ones who claim to love you that hurt you the most.
and pretend like you are crazy.
which if they didn't take everything from you then they would know how broken you really are.
yet I will give and fight with my last just to cut you off and find peace.
cuz alone is where I find true happiness.
©darkmocha