If I die tonight, please let me be. But let me explain why.
I've fought enough battles in my life. Many I've overcome. This one being one I can't shake. You all view me as strong, but let me be weak for a minute. Every morning I wake, my heart it breaks. Dying a new way each day. Chemos got the best of me, and it hurts inside. I don't expect anyone to understand, but this shit hurts inside. I was living more when I was dying. If it's not one thing it's another, If I'm not in pain I'm in tears. Don't even get me going on the constant nightmares. Going days on wanting to kill myself. Chemo got the best of me, hating every day more and more. Now that I've got your attention, again let me be weak for a minute. The pain too much to bear. double up on oxy just to mask the hurt. The feeling in my hands and feet it hurts. I'd give everything back just to feel normal again. But I can't. See you all hold me to this. can't skip a beat. You say I'm strong, in my heart I'm weak. Maybe it was time to be. If you knew what it took to get to this point, you would be too.
Death still stalking me, haunting me, testing me to see how much I can take.
Well if I die tonight, it was meant to be. no more pain and the hurt, no more tears soaking up like rain in the dirt. I never wanted my life to be like this. I always promised I'd die by my own hand before I ever let anything in the world kill me. I've been dead for some time now. my life was robbed from me. I've lost all of my hair, and in my head I have not much left to bear.
I've been giving my all to you all, and it hurts. I'm not the man you all think I am. I'm not strong, I'm weak. I'm not brave, I'm fucking scared, I shouldn't inspire you, be better than I. I hope I've given enough reason of why I feel what I feel inside.
If I die tonight, let me be...
©danielhook
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