if not a writer
i am simply
some degenerate
over-medicated and
complicit on occasion
outraged bystander of
my self-sabotage
if not a writer
i am not much
but a lowly singer
in the shower
agnostic and nihilistic
some sad fuck
who knew better
but failed regardless
if not a writer
i don’t think i am
anything
were i not to exist
i pray my words persist
syntax assimilates me
makes the self tangible
if not a writer
i am nothing
i fall back toward
isolation and defeat
i am a writer
for nothing else
could be
as it is
put down the lighter
flames put out
to metastasize into stories
i am a writer
in the wake of
my absent humanity
until i feel
i will make it real
until it hurts
i am a writer
for nothing else
works.
©noodle
N