if only i could change

If I could change something about myself I would change every single thing
If I was a boy I would rather be a girl if I was a girl I would rather be a boy
Either way I would learn to hate myself even more
Maybe the things I’m going through now would reoccur again but which would cause
More torment
More agony
If only I could change it
If I could change something about myself I would change everything
If I was tall I’d rather be short if I was short I’d rather be tall
But if only I could change
If I could change something about myself id want to be more talkative
At the moment I don’t speak to people if I’m in a crowd of millions
If I was to speak in front of thousands and thousands of people I would tremble and shake then get an anxiety attack
Then tear up
I’d rather get in trouble for talking too much than not get in trouble at all
It’ll make me feel more love towards myself
And people would want to talk to me
 at the moment no one wants to talk to me or wants to know me
But only if…
I wish I wasn’t known as the unknown one but that’s the name I’ve given myself as no one knows who I am both online and face to face
I’d rather not say if I’m a girl or a boy otherwise id get hate for it
I’d rather not say my age to people as I might get hate for it
I might as well not talk as I might get hate for that too
But only if I could change myself I think I would be a better person overall
Or maybe not…