Take a Look at me Tell me everything
you see What do you see? Are you sure you're seeing me?
I promise you that you're hardly catching a glimpse of what I really am.
If you could look deeper,
You'd see the ever-present demons in my mind,
& How hard they are to keep confined.
You'd see all the scars, hidden underneath my skin:
One for every single time I've thought about feeling the sweet release of the razor,
Or dreamed about the loving, easy, & soft embrace of death.
If you could look a little bit deeper,
You'd see the monsters blocking my heart,
& You'd see them whispering to me-
You'd hear them say that I'm never good enough, that I'm alone no matter what I do.
{There's no point in trying,
'Cause I wont be able to do it anyway}
If you looked a little harder,
You'd see this sickness plaguing my soul,
Trying to destroy me,
& Trying to kill my dreams.
If you looked into my eyes,
Behind the sparkles, eyeliner, and mascara,
You'd see all my secrets that I try my best to hide;
You'd see the memories that haunt me,
& Maybe then you could find out how to help me.
If you took a closer look,
You'd realize that you c-a-n-t s.a.v.e. |m|e|,
Because darling, you're dealing with a disease; a plague; a sickness of the soul.
It's never going to go away,
It has no cure.
If you could see my thoughts,
You'd understand why I feel the way I do,
& How nothing within me is simple,
Because I'm infected.
& There's no way to make it end permanently,
In one way or another, I'll be suffering,
Silently.
I'm sick,
& There's no way for me to be healed.
If you could look closer,
You'd see everything that I wish I didn't have to be.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm controlled by my illness, like I have no choice in what I do.
It's almost like I have to hide,
Just so my sickness doesn't destroy me from the inside.
If you really looked at me,
You'd see the never-ending fight between my hope & my despair.
{Sometimes one side will beat the other, but nothing is permanent}
Sometimes, oh sometimes, I'm actually okay.
But, don't leave me alone,
'Cause when I'm alone,
My demons like to come out and play,
& Try to tear apart my heart.
If you looked at me,
You'd see that I can't control how I feel,
You'd see that these emotions come and go as they please,
& You'd know it's not a choice.
{Who would choose to feel like this?}
If you could look inside my mind, you'd understand why I want to do the things I do.
But you can't look closer,
You can't feel what I do,
'Cause unless you have the illness, you can't & won't be able to understand,
'Cause darling, you're dealing with an illness, you're dealing with a sickness,
A disease, a plague of the soul, something that never really goes away.
You're dealing with depression, and it doesn't like to stay away.
©darkensoul
D