I'm sorry if my smile seems faded
or if my gaze suddenly slips away
I promise its not anything you did
or something you were going to say.
its hard to keep going sometimes,
living the way I do.
you see, a little angel took part of my heart
and my heart is split in two.
I think of him every morning
and I dream of him at night.
I want to hold his little hands
and hug him to me tight.
instead I only think of him;
I rarely speak his name.
I'm scared if anyone knew the truth
they wouldn't understand my pain.
"how could you love something,
that you never even had?
it was probably for the best anyway,
you really should be glad.
it was probably sick
or would have been defective or worse;
things will happen when it's time."
They dismiss my child's worth
with a nod or sympathetic look.
they mean well, but their words cut deep;
none of them know my tears
or my nights of restless sleep.
I'm still a mother, but without a child.
My baby is waiting for me,
but until I see his precious face
it's hard to be happy.
So if I seem distracted,
or if I suddenly look away
if my smile is forced,
if I don't have anything to say,
if I suddenly leave the room in tears
or if I'm slow to laugh,
if my mind seems elsewhere
or if my sorrow comes on too fast...
please know my grief is deep,
and my loss is real.
just because you cant see my baby,
that doesn't mean my emotions aren't real.
It just means I have an angel waiting
and an empty place inside my heart nothing can fill.
October is miscarriage/stillbirth awareness month. I dedicate this to my angels Silas and Gabrielle, and to every angel baby and angel mom out there.
©tammylynn
T