Looking into the mirror and I'm like who is you
Constantly wondering on what it is I can really do
Feeling so low but my imaginations always so high
Giving up on myself but still trying to put up a fight
Heart is feeling so heavy but the love is so light
Fighting myself late at night making it hard to sleep
Bothered by all of this pain that just runs so deep
Gods a shepperd and I wonder if I'm still one of his sheep
I'm just feeling so lost with no sense of direction
Why's my life got to be harder than an erection
They say I'm loved but I don't feel the affection
My minds running haywire with no connection
When I fall asleep I even dreams of my depression
Constantly thinking "does any one even listen"
Watched my first man die at the age of twelve
I guess that explains why half of my mind is missing
I've had a hard knock life similar to Jay Z
Death has just always been a part of my reality
I often wonder is God really mad at me?
With all of these blessings I feel that he can't be
I sometimes at night lay in bed with not a peep
That's about the time my inner demons start to creep
Clinching my jaw at random times
Flashbacks to all the times I saw down the barrel of nines
Close to death like we were blood brothers
It's hard to walk with all of this hurt on my shoulders
Inmutare fighting over colors and numbers
That's what happens when you look up to the gang members
Hanging my head like my mom must feel so ashamed
Retreating all of her love that she had givin to me
Disspointed in every single one of my actions
Wasted time on all of these distractions
Knowing she's turning in her grave when I visit
Knowing secrets that are to explicate
Is it what I did or what I had said
Often wonder on who it Is that I can count on?
Who's going to love me when I'm dead and gone?
Am I sure I don't want a daughter or son ?
In the past was I the one always in the wrong?
Why cant my mental state and I just get along
I'm stuck between being Einstine and Charles Manson
I wonder what else I should mention
The times I nearly died as a child?
I no longer want a life that's wild
I try but it's always hard to crack a smile
Life is beautiful but I'm pissed off so it's hard to feel spiritual
Whys my heart got to be so ugly
When will I find someone who likes me for me?
Thinking the world's against me so I tread lightly
Thinking everyone is out to betray
That explains why I try to push people away
Most of the time I forget to just pray
It's hard to feel okay when you were hurt every single day
Looking away and back again to the mirror
Having conversations with what's a demon that's just appeared
But it's just me and what I see inside without a beard
When I get home I go to my room and dissapeare
My family trys to ask what's wrong and be sincere
I tell them it's nothing and go away so they don't get near
I dont want them close enough to see the depression
I dont want to tell them something they dont want to hear
Carring on the rest of the conversation in the mirror.
©602frost
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