what do you see,when you look in the mirror.
Is it a strong minded person,with plenty of zest.
Do you feel strong and ready to fight another day,
giving life your very best,to get the best possible
outcome for the day.
Or is just a goal,you keep in mind, thinking
maybe one day this will be me,I may be feeling
small and imperfect,with no hope left in sight.
will I wake up tommorow,I m beggining to loose my
fight.
As you close your eyes,trying to sleep,your brain
goes into overtime,and your inner soul asks for a break.
Why won t this hurt and darkness go away
as I only want sunshine,and blue skies and peace
and serenity as I just do not feel worthwhile,
I feel such a hindrance, because as much as I
try and fight,
I just want to curl up into a ball,to be thrown
to a better place,where life is place,with no knock
downs,no hurtful words will ever take place.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder I'm told,
so why does such ugliness of this world
leave you feeling alone.
Why can t people's words be kind,why can t they
help you up,and help you rise,
why can t they help you see the the sun that shines.
point out the beauty of trees moving in the wind.
To appreciate the sound of waves crashing against
the sand.
To enjoy the sun in it's pure beauty as the sun sets,
The beauty this world offers,why do I have to reflect.
The strength is in me somewhere,but buried deep
down,as life and it's problems, just seems to drag you down.
I want to be strong,I want to be me,but that person
is still lost in the fog,which is so dark and empty you
see.
The sun and the blue skies feel so far away,the birds
are singing this morning,and I see the sky blue,
but that's with my eyes,my soul does not feel a happy
emotion,to which it should do.
Am I just different,with my changes of mood,
or am I blind and deluded and deaf to the sound.
I just want a happy life and to feel relaxed,to awake
in the morning with a spring in my step.
I shower and get dressed and my make up I do,
now time for a false face I will show you.
I will laugh and joke,I can play this game,
the one that makes friends and family,
see me,but not that black hole,
I ve managed for this long,so people cannot see
the person I really am,who struggles so much,
with this each day.
I am intelligent and funny and witty too,and
would do anything to help others,
because these things I do.
I m always the one on the end of the phone,
picking someone up and trying to guide them
on the right road,I m honest and open and do
my very best.
if I can put a smile back on your face and will
always not be to far away if you feel your beggining
to fade.
I will carry on and succeed, because my heart is
full of love and compassion, because little do
you know ,my struggle everyday I hide behind
you.
I see life very different and from completely different
ways ,I always look for answers,in my way.
I don t see life as just black or white,
I look it at it from every angle,to dissect into different
views ,and my answer to question s this affects too.
Perhaps I overthink things too ,but my brain needs
stimulation,I have been this way from the age of two.
Always asking questions always keen to learn,
driving my mum and dad round the bend,with constant
questions,my mum said from a very early age
my curiosity,my pure interest on how this world works
was endless and continues till I got to several different
answers to which other kids could not understand.
My moral to my poem,nothing is a basic as you see,
why can I help others,but i am unable to help me.
How do I manage to smile everyday,put on my mask
and fool others into believing this is the real me.
As there is nothing I want more,to find the real me,
as I am not that person that you meet ,I played the
game so long,I v lost the exit door.
or is it just pure fear,the life I do not want to explore.
hopefully one day I will find a way out,
I will feel happy , content and with the stripped down
naked fact .and hopefully just find me.
©janine
J