I stare in the mirror,
Yet I cant find myself.
I dont even feel real,
Just as alive as the fake plant on my shelf.
Moments where my own limbs dont feel like mine,
I feel fake, but I tell people Im fine.
Its like im in a dream.
Ill wake up any second.
But I stay in this haze,
For it to go away, sometimes it takes days.
Am I sick?
Am I dying?
Even if I was, id have to keep lying.
How could I tell my parents.
Where would I even start?
"Hi, hows ur day been? By the way, my mind is falling apart."
What would they say?
What would they do?
Tell me Im overreacting?
Or sit me in a pew?
Struggling with this for years,
Their reactions are my biggest fears.
If I tell them, will there be tears?
I dont want to take the risk,
So I stay quiet,
And stay sad.
What makes matters worse, is trying to forgive my dad.
But how does one forget and forgive,
When 16 years is thrown away,
And you try to still live.
A crazy ride its been for me...
But what can I do except repeat "it be what it be".
©g.a.p
G