Is That Why?

I just realized that I stopped living today, I stopped living life
I'm just trying to get through this day, get passed the night
I'm not living. I'm waiting, but what for?
I don't know, but I'm scared to see if what I'm alive for is worth dying for
Sometimes I get sad, so much that I completely shut down
I stare at the wall half the night and don't even realize it until I hear something call me
But when I turn to look no one is there
No one spoke, no one to be seen
Maybe I'm a freak, still seeing, always hearing unreal things
Until the sun comes up, I don't know until I actually have opened my eyes, or close until the light seeps in
Is it hard
Never to hear your name being called by the empty space before you, knowing that the void doesn't want you?
Even with others always saying they do, does the god of heaven or lord of hell despise you?
Is that why I hear them? Always calling my name?
Is that why I see them? Holding their hand out, waiting for me?
Is that why I feel them? Always pulling me to the knives?
Is that why I pretend? Lie for their pleasure, saying I'm okay?
They want me to end my life
I know that, I know it's true
If you ever read this, I'm probably gone
But not like it would matter, because you most likely didn't know I was hurting for so long
I hurt
Can anyone hear my screams
I cry
But no one sees the tears inside
I smile
And yet no one knows the lie
That even though I'm here, I've been dying inside