With each heart felt sip of cold beer, I felt myself edge away from reality, the stuff you see in movies. That or you see yourself being sucked inch by inch away from where you sit or stand, possibilities swing in between. Its strikes me that I am a loner, I know so many people but my friendship circle is tiny. I am not disappointed and I am not happy.
I am just breezing through what is, you instantly recognise your loneliness when you drunk text your best friend.
For years at a time, I wasted time looking for men to pick me, to love me, and today, I am 24 years old, work riddled but happy, its a total accomplishment to say "I am happy" and mean it, Ive lost heaps of so called friends in this year alone than any other, they just slipped through my grasp, not that I was holding on anyway, I got fed up of peoples constant drama, and I just breathed and stepped aside and watched events unfold, like how my hair sheds, yes they all fell out... I valued them, but they didnt value me as much to recline back and hold onto me. Days are abating, my dreams are growing w my stride, here I am in another country, its far from the worse and not yet the best but it is progress, progress that required recognition. Days seem to creep by slowly but I am at awe with Gods duly working wonders, he just doesn't think that he showers me with enough love and grace, day by day I am basking in his undying unending love for me, yes me, and you too, when will you realise that?
I am undeserving but that doesnt mean I am not thankful, I am beyond thankful. Less of me and more of him. I feel that 2020 will have me scaling my face with the biggest smile ever. I am grateful for a GOD that has never left my side.
©lisathea
L