All that I loved,
and knew
walked out that door
and left me
I was continually mourning,
counting losses like pennies,
in a state of constant sadness,
pacing over wood planked floors
wondering what to do
to rid myself of my burdens.
The beating heart within me
red and bleeding
soaking the half open cage that holds it,
bone thin,
then you came,
with lazy smiles and sugar coated words,
beautiful, lovely, brown skinned angel and love of my life,
those sweet as candy words dripped easy from your lips,
you squeezed me then,
each night and day,
with arms so strong,
worked lump hard knots from neck and back,
massaged my tired walked on feet,
relieved me of all stress in my wiry mind,
in you I thought I'd found a place of rest,
I looked at you -
I thought you'd save me from myself.
Shouting, yelling, half said words,
talking over me and over you,
screaming arguments as we passed from room to room,
many words said
on the way to another cuss laced fight,
the war we both started to wage,
once and again,
so accustomed to its comfort we both became,
the knives we both drew out,
the sharpened one meant for meat and harm
and pointed at my happy heart,
I never thought you'd do it -
plunge it in and twist it,
I felt it breaking skin,
then rib caged bone,
I saw the blood spill out,
heard you call me one last venomed word,
then twist again,
in deeper,
to my soft and tender beating heart,
do you know it beat it's rythme just for you,
my killer,
the only one I thought really loved me,
as I slipped and fell,
slowly to that wooden floor -
before the pain,
before the black,
you leaned in -
cologne filling my nose -
igniting with it memories
a slow moving movie,
just for my eyes -
a whisper in my ear,
one last thing you wanted me to hear,
I love you you said,
so very much, you hear,
but now you have to go my love,
for for me it was too much,
it overwhelmed me,
I never deserved it you said -
I tried to tell you long ago,
all I will ever do is hurt you,
as I gasped for breath I felt your kisses on my lips,
what you love the most will kill you,
if you let it,
I guess,
with eyes open I saw you,
kneeling by my side, the knife still in your hands,
the darkness came then -
to take me away.
©bellevies
B