Letter That Was Never Sent
I won’t send you this letter.
Maybe because if you read it,
you would realize how much you still live inside me.
And I don’t know if that would bring you closer
Or push you further away.
I left home.
Not literally,
because home wasn’t the walls—
it was the little moments we shared.
The way you would sit next to me without speaking,
The way I felt safe
Simply because you were there.
I wasn’t afraid of the world.
That’s what I miss.
Not the routine—
the warmth.
And you know, you are the first person I opened up to like this.
Without filters.
Without shame for what I felt.
I showed you things I had never shown anyone.
Not because I had to,
but because only with you
I felt I could be myself.
Only you know me that well.
Only you wanted to know me that well.
I know you struggled too.
I could see it.
Isaw your love
Even when you said
You couldn’t see mine.
I never believed you.
Because when you love, it shows.
And we loved each other.
We just spoke different languages,
and eventually
We got tired of translating.
I loved you.
Not perfectly.
Not always the way I should have.
But truly, with every part of me.
I loved you with what I had,
with what I knew how to give.
Maybe not the way you needed,
and that stays inside me,
like a part that never got to be complete.
And maybe it can be completed someday.
When you called me,
my voice trembled before I even realized it.
But it wasn’t weakness.
It was my soul
Recognising you
Before my mind could think.
I don’t remember what I said.
As if the call never happened.
I only remember
How for a few seconds
I felt alive, I wanted to run to you
As if nothing had happened.
But life isn’t a movie, is it?
I want you to be well.
I really do.But if I’m honest,
I want you to be well here.
With me.
Because I know I could make you laugh,
and when you laughed,
my whole soul laughed.
Your joy
Made me a better person.
We weren’t difficult people
We were simple people
Who got stuck
Where we should have embraced a little more.
If there is ever a second chance at “us”—
the one we all deserve—
I won’t promise I won’t be afraid.
But I will promise
That I will stay.
That I will care.
That I will love.
That I will hold you close, not to keep you from leaving,
but so you feel you can stay.
There are things I do out of habit.
Movements that haven’t been forgotten yet.
Like my body searching for you
Before I even remember
That you’re not here.
I understand.
And I just keep going.
I am not writing to make you come back.
I am writing because some loves
Don’t end when paths part.
They stay inside you,
quiet but heavy,
teaching you what it is
To love without holding on.
That pain remains.
It’s a lesson nobody wants,
and yet it changes anyone who learns it.
And if this letter
Stays here forever,
Know that you were love.
Not habit.
Not just affection.
Light.
And I am still learning
What it is to live
Without it.
~The one who loved you
As much as she knew
And as much as she coul~
X