Ever since this pandemic started, my mother has been on me ever since. Informing me to not take my daughter outside. In the beginning of this pandemic, for a while I did not let my daughter go anywhere. I felt like it has been a while since she has not spent any time with her father. My boyfriend and I live in separate houses. He lives with his mother and I live with my mother until we find a place of our own. Finding our own place is going to take us some time because I am not ready to move out yet, and he is not ready to move out as well.
Recently, my daughter's father wants to spend more time with her. I have kept praying about that situation. He informed me that he will keep her twice a month, but my mother says otherwise.
"Stop letting that baby go over there, this ain't the time for her to be letting her spend nights over there because if something happens to that baby, you going to feel real crazy, " my mother said.
"But you can't live in fear, " I said.
"Naw you can't, but we still go fear, that's life, a lot of folks is scared of this virus," she said.
"That's why I pray every day so I won't be afraid, I… getting interrupted.
"Yeah you can pray, but things still happens, when I be out sometimes, be seeing people without they mask, something is going to happen to those that is not wearing their masks" she said.
"Yeah that's true, we still have to wear our masks when we go out, that's mandatory now. I things still happens, but you just gotta keep praying and trust God. When this pandemic first started, I was really scared. I didn't know anything about no coronavirus until my professor told the class on a day that this might be our last day there at the school, and I was like why? I was asking him questions about where we were going to go when we get hungry, or how was I gonna to get pampers for kiki, I was scared. But when my church decided to be on the conference lines on the phone every week, and encouraging people to do not live in fear and stay prayerful and be in the word every day, that took away my fear, " I said.
"Yeah but I wouldn't be letting that baby go anywhere though, " she said firmly changing the conversation.
"But that's me and Bernie's baby, not yours, and we grown," I said.
"I KNOW THAT'S YALL BABY, AND YALL GROWN, IM JUST TELLIN YOU FOR YOUR SAKE, YALL YOUNG FOLKS DON'T LISTEN, THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG WITH YALL NOW. THEY TALKIN BOUT A SECOND WAVE OF ANOTHER VIRUS. I JUST HOPE YOU WON'T BE LETTIN HER GO OVER THERE THEN, " she said raising her voice.
"I just pray that it won't come, " I said.
"WHY YOU KEEP SAYIN THAT? PRAY, PRAY, PRAY, YEAH YOU CAN PRAY, BUT FOLKS STILL SCARED, AND THINGS STILL HAPPENS, YO UNCLE MICHAEL IS A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS AND HE DON'T BE TALKING LIKE THAT, HE DON'T SAY PRAY," she said.
When my mother saidd that, I felt like shouting at her saying, "BITCH, YOU GOTTA BELIEVE IN GOD, LISTEN, TO WHAT IM SAYING, WE GROWN, AND YOU CAN'T TELL US THE FUCK WHAT TO DO."
God knows I felt like saying those words to my mother, but I did not. I learned in church that we can not have the last words with our parents, even if we are adults. You can be 30 or 50 years old, and your parents can still boss you around. It does not matter if you live with your parents or not. They can still try to tell you what to do even when you have your own place, and you always keep in touch with your parents on the phone or through snap chat. Our parents will still see us as their baby. I am 25, and my mother still sees me as her little girl. Even when she says she does not see me that way, she still does. You can be way older than 25, and your parents will still see you as their baby boy or their baby girl. That is in a parent's nature to see us as their child. I do not know how I would react when I see my 1-year-old daughter grow up. I pray that I would not be overprotective as some parents are with their kids. We have to let our children explore the world on their own. That is the only way we will teach them how to become responsible adults. As I was conversing back and forth with my mother. I informed her saying,
"Me and uncle Michael are in two different religions. We serve two different Gods. He's a Jehovah witness, and I'm a Christian, so he would think differently. I don't believe in what Jehovah's Witnesses teach. I don't believe in all these different gods, I only believe in one God only, the man upstairs.
"Yeah that's true, I agree with you on that, but it's not the time to be letting her spend nights over at his house, people still dying, you want yo baby to die?" she asked, still changing the conversation.
"No, I don't, " I said.
"Okay then. I will be scared to go out," she said.
"If you have a problem with this situation, you can talk to Betnie about it because Kiki is his child too, " I said leaving her room.
I was angry when I left her room. I am doing really good in this season for not cursing or hollering at my mother, because I used to do it a lot before this pandemic. That was the time when I was not always at home. I am learning how to keep the peace by just walking away. I feel like my mother does not have any faith in what God wants us to do during this season. That is to not live in fear. They are opening up places slowly now. My church is planning on getting back into the building either sometime this month or the 1st Sunday of next month. My pastor will let the congregation know because they are doing things slowly. We would still have to practice social distancing when we get back into the church building. We still have to wear our mask as well. I am in a church of 12 members. My church is not like most churches that have thousands of members. I am in a small church.
I had conversed with my evangelist from my church that day on the phone after leaving my mother's room. I told her how faithless my mother is.
"I know your mother is a faithless person, I know, and I feel like it is time for your daughter to spend some time with her dad because it has been a long while. When I was talking to your mother last week, I could hear the devil working all through her spirit, your mother is really fearful and is overly concerned, and Ciara, the news is talking about another wave of another virus, it is sad to say, but it may come, but you are right for telling your mother that we can not live our lives in fear, and I am so proud of you for not shouting at your mother. We all have to prepare for this second storm that's coming. I know you and Bernie both live with your parents, but what if your parents were not around? If your mother died, would you be able to take care of everything yourself? Would you be able to live in that big house y'all got by yourself? What if your daughter was not around? Would you believe that you can do it all by yourself? And what if your boyfriend wasn't around either? Could you be able to live by yourself or would you live with someone else?" She asked.
"Awe man, I never thought of that before, that is a lot to think about, I believe I can do it with the grace of God, but that's going to be challenging for us to live alone, " I said.
"That is why I am going to bless you all young adults this week on the phone, I was going to keep it a secret until Saturday, but since you were talking about you are frustrated with your mother, I am going to give you guys a challenge that is due in three weeks. I want to have you all to get a "RED" envelope. If you want, Ciara, because I know you like art. You can get a white envelope and paint it red, or you can decorate it. however, you want it. All the information you will collect from this challenge you will place in that "RED" envelope. Put this folder in a safe place. In case of an emergency to make sure your parent knows where it is. How to begin your challenge is that I want you to be very calm and clear with your mother. We want you to know how to live if anything was to happen to your mother. Talk to your mother and ask her how does she runs her household? How much is her rent/mortgage, gas bill, light bill, etc. And how does she pay? Example: Online? Mail? Or Walk-in what establishment? Find out if your mother has life insurance, a will, or a directive. Ask her does she want to be cremated or not? Is she a donor? There are some things we may not know about our parents, we think we do, but we really don't. That is why I am giving you and the other young adults these questions to sit down and ask your guy's parents these questions? There will be a special guest on the line that will provide you all information on how to function by living alone," She informed.
When she gave me that information, that was a great blessing from the lord. I thank God for my church. I am still praying that my mother will seek God's word and become faithful to the Lord like I am. I am an adult, and at the end of the day I will still do whatever I want to do. But I use wisdom in my doings. I go to God first, with all my problems. Then, I can do what ever I want to do by God's will, not the devils will. No one can not change my faith of believing in the Lord. No one can not tell me to stop praying. I am going to do what ever I want to do in the sight of the lord because "The Lord has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and love; and a sound of mind." 2 Timothy 1:7.
This pandemic is going to soon pass and we shall not see it again.
#life #fights #pandemic #virus #covid #home #safe #god #word #scriptures #bible
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