one never truly knows the depth of the loneliness loneliness brings until they are filled with & surrounded by loneliness. The feelings of inadequacy, the wanting to belong to someone. the yearning for touch. feelings of loneliness appear when you simply wake up to an empty bed. they appear the moment you hear your younger sisters ring tone reminding you yet again that she has everything that you want. a husband and three beautiful children the world could not replace. loneliness appears when the baby of the family talks about being ready to date. Oh don't forget loneliness creeps in when your baby brother calls with his gf to tell you that they are going to start trying for a baby in January, which is only weeks away. Loneliness appears when you think about your big brother who is not only married but has been twice and has three kids between the two marriages. loneliness looks like a double sized bed that's only ever been slept in on one side. the mattress forming to you. on your side. looking completely brand new on the other side. loneliness is when your heart yearns for someone else to love. But then loneliness sneaks in when you hear your mother say, you have to learn to love yourself before you could love anyone else" you see my problem is I haven't embraced myself. I can't leave the pieces that make me me behind. the same gender attraction makes it lonely because your religion makes it wrong to love someone of the same gender. the psychotic breaks that make you see aliens and dead people materialize out of the ground, first in a million pieces, then the pieces come together and form these things that follow you around and make you think of hurting others. the depression makes me lonely because all I was is to die. then maybe, just maybe I wouldn't be lonely.
I've thought perhaps if I loose weight and eat better some of these symptoms would subside, the hardest task for me to master in life seems to be that I have chosen a life full of solitude, isolation, and loneliness.
©ahorton6
B