In my mind I just can't believe it
But I have to somehow release it
The past is the past but I still need
To heal from all of the drama and
Unkept promises....I must maintain my
Ability to keeping it real....I'm a dreamer more often than not and I am who and
How I am and had I not turned this
Baggage I've carried too long over
To God...I wouldn't have made it
This far
I learned early in my life that I
Should never sever my tie with
Jesus...Nevertheless I'm still a
Work in progress....I have flaws and
I stumble just like everyone else
But I'm also grateful that I don't
Have to be perfect or fit in with
Those who believe they have
No flaws and they are the epitomey
Of what it means to be a Christian
Yet they are the first ones to judge
And me....it doesn't stick to me
Like it once did because there so
Many glass houses but can you
Really truly believe that anyone
Has the audacity to throw the
First stone....I don't try to impress
People because it's a waste of time
And energy and besides that they
Only want to see me in pain and
Could care less if I live or die
I only have certain amount of
Patience when I can smell the
The lies
If I'm good enough for God with
All of my flaws and you don't
Like me...well that's on you
My advice to you is to take it
To the Lord in prayer as to why
He made me this way and when
He gives you the answer I would
Love for you to share with me what he
Had to say.....I'm more about
Caring for people even if or when
They don't see it or think of me
In that way....Of course those who
Know me can attest that I have
Developed a very short fuse for
Bullshit and lies and especially
When it comes to my heart
I don't play games with another's emotions because that can easily turn
Into rage and before you know it
And lives are lost or taken you
See it in the news just about every day
Someone has been murdered because
Of emotions because they are driven
By their heart....you can spin
It any you want....a crime of passion
Temporarily insanity but it will always
Lead that thin line between love and
Hate...and believe me this line is
For real....if you don't believe me
I've seen what has happened in my
Own family and friends....and I
Have seen the bruises, the broken
Fingers and blackened eyes and broken
Noses...I know many are in denial
And are afraid for their lives and
The children are the real victims
If their are born into such a dysfunctional
Family or circumstances
And the cycle lives on through the
Children born into and living in such
An environment because the mother
Is too afraid to leave and their self
Esteem is so low that they really
Believe that they deserve or not
Good enough or worthy to be loved
They have been brainwashed into
Believing that no other man would
Love and bit by bit her spirit is
Broken and believes this coward
Of a "man" is the best she can do
I have an experience just once so
Far in my....I over looked the red
Flags to a certain degree but all
Of that changed when he put his
Hands on me. My momentary insanity
Thought about giving it one more chance
But I realized that I couldn't risk it
Happening again...I no longer felt
That I could trust him with my life...
If you can relate to what I just shared
With you...I know you may afraid if
You leave and even more so if you have
Children to be concerned about and their
Safety as well....I'm not an expert on
Relationships but I do know what it
Feels like having to walk on egg shells
And feel like I was being manipulated
And was told that he was better than me
Which of course didn't go over well
With me....this started out to be what I thought was just going to be a poem but
It really turned out to be a testimony of sorts. You only have one life to live and
Sometimes you just become accustomed
To that being that type of environment.
Just know if you are a believer in Christ
In God Almighty that He will Never Leave You or Forsake You.
P