She's in her own world. A world where she's lost , stuck , damaged , heart broken , bruised , etc. But uses the word " happy " as a cover up . A world where nothing but fear stays & it never goes away . That world is her brain. Her brain tells her things that isn't true , things that isn't even believeable , but she believes it is. Why ? Cause she won't talk to no one about these problems . Not even the people she's close to. These problems that she has isn't ordinary problems that people have. She calls them " her problems " why ? Because no one understands them but her .
She's been lost for a long time . To the point where she doesnt know how to start over . She doesn't know how to forgive . She doesn't even know how to love . She's been touched to the point where she's insecure at times . She can take pictures & pictures of herself everyday to make herself feel good at that moment , but when its time to look at them , none of them pictures she took are there . & her body ? Please. Her body isn't even made for the kind of person she is . Or maybe sometimes she just don't see it . You see , part of her tells herself to let go of things that doesn't even matter no more or bad things that happened to her years & years ago , but she still lets that other part get to her . Get to her to the point where she cries & cries her heart out just to feel empty again . She asks herself questions like " why me ? " but they never get answered , so she stops ...
She tries looking for love but all love does to her is bring bags under her eyes & makes her go crazy so she calls it a " set up " . So now she's doing her own thing . Sleeping with random people , doing drugs , Going out anytime & comes back when she wants to , gets into fights & drama , geys into fights & arguments with her mom , isn't there for her little brother no more , lies to her boyfriend & sneaks & does things behind his back, etc . And because of her actions , she's lost everything. Good friends , love ones , even herself . " I need space , and im not just talking about a few feet . I'm talking about alone . " Because she's not the same person she was . Because she's not who she say she is. Because she's not herself. She's lost control. She's in her own world. A world where she's lost , stuck , damaged , heart broken , bruised , etc. But uses the word " happy " as a cover up . A world where nothing but fear stays & it never goes away . That world is her brain. Her brain tells her things that isn't true , things that isn't even believeable , but she believes it is. Why ? Cause she won't talk to no one about these problems . Not even the people she's close to. These problems that she has isn't ordinary problems that people have. She calls them " her problems. "
©dejalaraye
D